What are status symbols for today? What charactaristics make you seem more respectable than the average person? If this were a perfect world, the list of priorities would go something like this:
1. Compassion
2. Honesty
3. Work-Ethic
4. Courage
That is to say, that in a perfect world, a kind liar would be more respected than an honest asshole, an honest lazy person would be more respected than a hard-working liar, a hard-working coward would be more respected than a lazy brave person, and anything after courage wouldn't be taken into consideration. Sadly, we do not live in a perfect world. In the real world, the list goes more like this:
1. Misfortune
2. Intelligence
3. Taste
4. Positivity
5. Age
Starting with misfortune, it is largely accepted that the most recognition tends to go to the person in the room who has had the worst things happen to him in his lifetime, preferably recently. A conversation would go something like this:
"Did you hear about Bob? He lost his job, his wife left him, and he has a stomach flu."
"Wow, God bless him. He's a good man."
"Yeah, but then he won the lottery."
"What? That bastard!"
It has gotten to such a point that even those things previously considered good, now have to be validated by putting a negative spin on them. A person gets a paid vacation, and has to say, "I'm going to be bored all week," or "I'm going to be so busy with housework, I won't even enjoy it." Otherwise, he might sound like he's gloating over his good fortune. Even being a unique individual now has to be explained as a neurological disorder. You see a person cleaning up the place, and he has to excuse his seemingly good gesture by saying that he has OCD. He knows that having a brain defect of some sort is more socially acceptible than just being tidy.
With all misfortune being equal, the second priority is intelligence. For most people, intelligence is not measured by education, memory or ability, but rather by a keen grasp on the nature of the real world. People generally measure this by cynicism and/or frugality. The more money you save, the smarter people will think you are, even if this means avoiding acts of charity. You give money to a homeless person, and people look at you as if you thought you were making some sort of really bad long-term investment. As for cynicism, the idea is that if you expect the worst, people think you know what's going on, but if you expect the best, people tend to think of you as naive. Banking on getting that promotion, or the girl you like saying yes, or there being a God, are all signs that you might be unaware of the incredible risks of setting yourself up for a disappointment. People look at you as though Murphy's Law is a real force in the universe, of which you are ignorant. If you really want people to think that you've been paying attention to the world thus far, you'll put on the guise of a pessimist, or better yet, a nihilist.
The old saying goes, "In matters of taste, there can be no dispute." Well, the person who said that has never been on the internet. People often judge one another on whether or not they like the same movies, music, books, TV shows, video games, shopping centers, and so on. The rule of thumb is that when there is a disagreement on a particular item, status goes to the person who dislikes the item more. Nobody wants to be the guy who likes something that another person dislikes:
"I really like that new Harry Potter movie."
"That movie sucked."
"Um... yeah... I thought so too."
This is why so many people play it safe, and just automatically hate everything. If you hate every single thing in existence, the only way you can be trumped is by someone who hates everything in existence, but expresses their hatred more vehemently than you do.
The next item on the list is positivity. You might think that having a positive attitude contradicts the cynicism and glorification of misfortune previously mentioned. However, in this case, positivity applies only to response to existing situations, rather than expectations for the future. For example, an optimist expects to get a raise, whereas a positive pessemist doesn't mind the fact that he probably won't get it.
When people become seriously depressed, no matter what the reason, we tend to think of them as "drama queens." People back away from other people's drama and negativity, often ostracizing them from the social group. People make video blogs on how much they dispise "emos." Some even go so far as to add a pseudo-religious element to this convention, saying that "negative energy" is a real force which can cause misfortune to occur in the lives of anyone who associates with a negative person. Misery has become the new sin.
Misfortune brings status, but being emotionally affected by misfortune removes status. A true status-building statement would go something like this:
"I lost my job, my wife left me, my car broke down, and a steel spike flew off a construction site and impaled my skull... But you know me. I can't complain."
The phrase "I can't complain" is one of the disclaimers which alerts the listeners that although you feel the need to inform them of everything that has gone wrong in your life, you're not just trying to gain sympathy. Other popular disclaimers are "but it could be worse," "but it's not as bad as it seems," "but that's life," and so on. ("That's life" is actually a doubley useful phrase, because not only does it imply that you're not bothered by your misfortune, but it also implies that you didn't expect anything better, which gives the impression of intelligence.)
Failing to use one of these disclaimers, you'll have been perceived as "emo" or "drama queen," and your only recourse is to blame your attitude on a chemical imbalance, and hope to cash in on some of the misfortune-of-having-a-disorder respect. It sometimes works.
All other things being equal, the fifth status symbol is age. People tend to be more respectful of older people than younger people. This may come as a surprise, because we often hear about how much elderly people are disrespected, but consider this. For as much disrespect a young person has for an old person, it's nothing compared with how much disrespect there is the other way around. Old people have virtually no respect whatsoever for young people.
The ranking system goes like this: 1) People exactly the same age as you. 2) People older than you. 3) People younger than you.
One of the reasons that older people are more respected than younger people, (besides the obvious fact that older people actually know more), is a sort of reverse-prejudice. People are extra polite to old people to prove that they're NOT one of those people who isn't. (It's sort of like the white guy who is extra nice when the black guy enters the room, so that everyone knows how much he's not a racist.)
There is no way that a person can outright change his age, as he would change his opinion about the latest Spider-Man movie. However, people do tend to take steps to emphasize their age by making partially-obscure references to things from their childhoods. "Hey, remember the Snorks?" It's almost like a secret handshake between people who grew up in the same era. It's the sort of thing that these "young punks" wouldn't get. Even the hipster who claims to hate everything that comes out, is reluctant to bash something from his childhood, because he knows that he may need it later to connect with another thirty-something.
People want to show their age in every way possible, EXCEPT for appearance. We all want to look good for our ages. What's the point of looking like you're twenty-five, unless people know that you're really forty? Besides, knowing obscure references can also be taken as a sign of intelligence, in the sense of being more informed.
The fallout of this is that young hipsters have started actively seeking out things from "before their time" to enjoy. They often use the line, "I was born in the wrong era." It's a sort of manufactured nostalgia, which satisfies a wide range of status symbols -- the misfortune of having been born too late, the intelligence of knowing about a wider range of things, the taste in hating all the "new" pop culture icons, and having the respect of acting older, without actually looking older.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not bashing on young people, and I certainly don't think that young people should be forsaking Michael Jackson in favor of Justin Beiber. In the age of the internet, people are exposed to a wide range of music and movies almost irrelevant of when they were originally released, and a lot of the older stuff is probably better than a lot of the newer stuff. The point is that the phrase "They don't make 'em like they used to," somehow gets you an automatic round of applause and nods of agreement. If it's in the form of a video comment, it gets a hailstorm of "likes" and "thumbs ups." No one wants to be the one to say that he prefers something newer over something older, as it might cause him to be marked as a drone of corporate-run media, (which is another reason why it's often safer to simply hate everything).
So there you have it: A stupid unlucky person is more respected than a lucky smart person, a cheap cynical fanboy is more respected than a culture-bashing optimist, a whiner who hates everything is more respected than a pop-culture fan with a postivie attitude, a teenager who "can't complain" is more respected than a middle-aged guy who is depressed, and a thirty-something who looks like a twenty-something is more respected than an actual twenty-something, unless that twenty-something listens to Glen Miller.
Yes, it's a stupid system which we have accepted as the de facto social hierarchy, and it encourages a lot of annoying and obnoxious habits... but hey, I can't complain.
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