I Called It!

I called it! Back when I was a teenager, we were called "Generation X," which was a name that we definitely did NOT choose for ourselves, but was assigned to us pretty much before we were even born by sociologists in the late 1960s. However, by the 1990s, the letter X was showing up like crazy in advertising media (Elon Musk still thinks it's cool). Everything in the 90s was "eXtreme!!!!" Xtreme Ghostbusters. Xtreme Football. The X games. If you were to judge a generation by watching Mountain Dew commercials, you would think that Gen-Xers were proud to be adrenaline junkies, jumping out of airplanes, snowboarding, doing flips on skateboards, bungee jumping, and being totally out of control. I, being somewhat typical for my generation, was sitting on my ass on the couch watching these ads, thinking to myself, "Is this supposed to represent me? Do they really think I'm relating to this???"

Sometime later, in the mid-2000s-2010s, I was informed that the children being born at the time were called "Gen-Alpha," in keeping with the tradition of starting the English alphabet too close to the end, and having to switch to Greek letters. About the same time, there was a surge in social media ads and "informative" videos reviving the outdated concept of "how to be an alpha male," accompanied by a bunch of pseudoscience about wolf packs and alphas, betas, sigmas, omegas, and whatever else. I, being fairly good at pattern recognition, said to myself, "I see what's going to happen. They're going to wait until these Gen-Alpha kids are a little older, and then reframe all this macho-man pseudoscience as the mindset of today's teens, and then years later, retroactively pretend that Gen-Alpha was called that BECAUSE they were obsessed with being hypermasculine, and believing in this complicated Greek-lettered wolf pack social hierarchy, leaving the actual teens wondering, "Is this supposed to be us? Are we supposed to relate to this???"

Well, just recently, I saw a video clip about today's teen youth slang, which included "skibidi," (which is is a meme, not a slang; that's like saying "where's the beef" was a Gen-X slang for something), but also included Alpha, Beta, Sigma, etc. with their wolf-based descriptions, as though they were entirely new concepts invented by the young generation. Yep, the pattern is unfolding exactly as before! I suppose that Generation Beta is going to be the generation that beta tests operating systems. Generation Gamma is going to turn into the Hulk. Generation Delta is going to live near the mouth of a river.

Why am I always right?

Real Life is Not a Movie, and You are Not the Protagonist!

 REAL LIFE IS NOT A MOVIE, AND YOU ARE NOT THE PROTAGONIST!

I think we tend to underestimate the significance of the problem of people who see themselves as the "protagonists" of some grand narrative, and not a very well written one at that.

Certain phrases that I consider a red flag: "I'm on the right side of history," and "Someday, they're going to make a movie about my life" (with the optional "and this is going to be a scene in it").

Also a minor red flag, people who overestimate the reach of their own circles. For example: a blog ring with about a hundred or so followers and maybe ten or fifteen regular commenters. Yet a person in this community is surprised when a stranger hasn't heard of them.

There's also the obvious overlap with the sensationalist ratings-driven mainstream media and click-driven social media which resort to histrionic exaggerations of the significance of events and individuals, and fixate on particular stories which can be molded into narratives. Think of election news using phrases like, "the most important election of our time," and "a struggle for the soul of the nation." Also, be wary of too-cool intro graphics and catch phrases, or impressive-sounding nicknames given to minor events.

REAL LIFE IS NOT A MOVIE!

I cannot stress this enough. It's fascinating to me just how easily people will abandon the reality shown to them by direct observation in favor of a social narrative presented to them by the media, and how often people will change their natural behavior to fit into a character role.

From the would-be vigilante who carries a gun he barely knows how to use, expecting to take down an as-seen-in-movies street gang, to the self-important incel who glimpses a semi-attractive woman from across a room, and expects her to fall in love with him because he's the last "nice guy" on earth, to the socio-political activist who gives glib speeches about revolution for cheap applause, to the conspiracy theorist who is personally going to take down the evil lizard people, to the rude but completely talentless stand-up comedian who is convinced that his fart and dick jokes are "too edgy" for the prudish audience, and he'll one day be remembered as a ground-breaking genius. They're ALL just imitating shit they've seen in movies!

Another thought: All those times when people just take for granted things they've seen in media, which contradict reality. There are the obvious things, like cars exploding, which I think most of us are well-aware are unrealistic. But then there are some things like men only wanting no-strings sex, while women want long-term commitment. It's clearly evident that most people, regardless of gender, are basically figuring out what they want as they go along. Or the cynic who believes that people in general are evil, despite having met very few villains.

I have no conclusion to this. Just that we all need to be aware of the fact that many people are acting out a story, rather than living in reality, and the effects of this can vary from mildly annoying to extremely dangerous.

What is American Mythology?

 When we think about Greek mythology, we tend to think of the Hellenic era, and not separate the different time periods and sub-cultures. We generally just think of it all as "Greek." Same thing with Norse, Babylonian, West African, Egyptian, Japanese, Indian, etc., and British mythology, for most people, is pretty much just the Arthurian epics.

But when it comes to American mythology, we seem to have a pretty loose collection of sources to draw from, all of which *could* be considered "mythology," but none of them seem to fit the bill perfectly.

Maybe "American Mythology" is the pre-colonial myths and legends of the native people? Or maybe American Mythology is children's stories of Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny? Or maybe American Mythology is conspiracy theories about the Illuminati and UFOs? Or maybe American Mythology is about the old Tall Tales of characters like Paul Bunyan and John Henry? Or maybe American Mythology is cryptids like Bigfoot, Mothman and the Jersey Devil? Or maybe American Mythology is one of the different time periods whose stories have been exaggerated, such as Pirates of the Caribbean, the Wild West, or Prohibition-Era Gangsters? Or maybe American Mythology is one of the new religious movements to emerge in the U.S., such as the Mormons or the Adventists? Or maybe American Mythology is something more abstract, like the irrational belief that "hard work always pays off," or that "one vote can make a difference." Or maybe American Mythology is the way that we inaccurately portray real life through movies and television, such as the way cars explode so easily, or computer hackers typing super-fast, or people flying backwards when they get shot. Actually, I don't think we'll ever figure out what qualifies as "American Mythology." Maybe this is something for future anthropologists to figure out.

Six Types of Men

The social script for masculinity is different from the social script for femininity in a very important way.  The masculine script is associated with dominance, while the feminine script is associated with submission.  This means that when a woman disregards the feminine script, it becomes a victory over the rules and expectations of society, and the ascension to a state of self-empowerment.  However, a man who has the strength to disregard the masculine script is nearly indistinguishable from a man who has tried and failed to follow said script.  Thus, men feel a significantly greater social obligation to follow said script without some sort of "reason" for the deviation, such as being gay or intrinsically gender-nonconforming.  For example, if we arbitrarily say that it is "masculine" to wear a suit, and "feminine" to wear a dress, women will be expected to "break the rules" and wear a suit, but a man wearing a dress will prompt an expectation of some seemingly logical explanation.  Because of this, cisgender-heterosexual men tend to fall into one of six general categories with regard to their relationship between their self-image and the latest version of the societal expectations on masculinity.  Bear in mind that most men will not fit entirely into a single category, but rather will tend to have one category or another being the dominant set of characteristics at any given time.

All images shown here are AI-generated.

The Seven Porn Plots

Christopher Booker once wrote that there are only seven stories in the world of movies and literature, and that those seven stories are:  Overcoming the Monster, The Quest, Voyage and Return, Rags to Riches, Comedy, Tragedy, and Rebirth.  I thought about this, and came to the conclusion that porno movies seem to follow a completely different formula from all other forms of writing, and wondered if I could find a similar formula to categorizing stories.  After quite a bit of, ahem, "research," I managed to come up with my own list of the seven plots found in almost all porno movies and videos, as well as porn games and erotic stories.  Naturally, one movie or story can include elements from multiple categories, but in each video or story, one category will tend to emerge as the dominant theme for each story.  Obviously, this does not include pictures or short videos of people fucking without context, as such cases have no "story" to categorize.  With that in mind, here is my list of the seven porno plots.

1. The "Dear Penthouse" Story - Named for the classic forum letters in Penthouse magazine, this plot features a protagonist, someone the viewer or reader is meant to identify with, and may even be a mostly or entirely POV shot, who finds him/herself in an unlikely sexual situation with zero effort.  In this story, the protagonist is completely passive, and the other performers are acting upon the protagonist, apparently intuitively knowing exactly what he/she wants.  A line commonly used in such stories is "I couldn't believe my good fortune," because all sexual acts are desired but unsought.  Some examples include, a man delivering pizza only to discover a horny naked housewife, a boy masturbating in his bedroom being unexpectedly joined by his hot stepmother, a student being held after class by a hot teacher who couldn't help noticing his frequent erections, or a shy virgin suddenly being propositioned by his more-sexually-experienced best friend who he always had a secret crush on.  In all cases, the protagonist takes no initial action, and the story ends with a gained experience and usually the promise of a continuing sexual relationship.

2. Boldness Pays Off - In many ways, this is the reverse of the "Dear Penthouse" story, being the same structure of events, but seen from the opposite character's perspective.  In this story, the protagonist has zero reservations about initiating sexual acts, secure in the knowledge that the other person, although not having said so, is down for anything.  In this story, the pizza guy does not stumble into the home of a horny naked housewife, but instead, he whips his dick out in front of the housewife, who is surprised but very grateful.  Another key difference between this and the previous category is that if any third or additional players are present, in the Dear Penthouse story, they would more likely also be sexually assertive, while in the Boldness Pays Off story, they would more likely be additional passive players, although this does not need to be the case.  The story ends with the supporting characters having enjoyed the experience.  The protagonist, despite going completely against all societal norms and mores, does not face any consequences, such as prosecution, loss of job, loss of respect, or even the slightest feeling of embarrassment or awkwardness.  When the sex act is over, the story is over, and the protagonist presumably moves on to his/her next encounter.

3. The Sexual Awakening - Unlike the previous two stories, which show only the protagonist's point of view, the Sexual Awakening story may include the thoughts and perspectives of multiple characters, though the main focus is typically on the "virgin" character.  In this story, the main character is a shy or prudish and sexually inexperienced person.  He/she may be a complete virgin, or may simply be a "virgin" to the specific act about to happen, such as having never before experienced anal sex, a one-night stand, a homosexual encounter, group sex, exhibitionism, bondage, etc.  The "virgin" character finds him/herself coerced or even forced into a new sexual experience by an aggressor or aggressors.  The virgin is reluctant or even resistant, but the aggressor intuits that the virgin will soon come around to enjoy the new experience.  Sure enough, the virgin soon experiences a surge of sexual pleasure so intense as to completely change his/her character.  Once the "pain has given way to pleasure," he/she finds him/herself involuntarily begging for more.  The story ends with the former-virgin looking forward to a life of consensual sexual submission, and the aggressor having taken great pleasure in "corrupting" an innocent.

4. The Power Fantasy - In this story, the protagonist commits acts of sadism on an unwilling victim.  Unlike the Sexual Awakening story, the victim does not come around, and the aggressor protagonist does not expect him/her to.  The aggressor may use some form of financial coercion, blackmail, the facade of punishment for some invented misconduct, or simply kidnap and restrain the victim, and the act performed may be purely sexual, purely torture, or a combination of the two.  Typically, the protagonist is out for his/her own amusement in the manner of a bully, not acting out of anger, but rather for the thrill of being in control of someone else.  The story ends with the victim too physically and mentally exhausted to seek help, and the protagonist already planning his/her next assault.  Obviously, stories like this are not for everyone.

5. Erotic Fun & Games - Unlike the previous stories, which almost entirely focus of some kind of first encounter, these stories revolve around friends and lovers whose sexual relationship has already been established, or at the very least, have a prior understanding of what is about to happen.  In these types of stories, partners or groups may engage in uninhibited sexual acts with no one person being in a dominant position over any other person.  Such egalitarian sexual adventures may include wife-swap parties, strip games, or full-blown pansexual orgies.  Although the free-love environment lends itself to a lack of restraint, there are implied boundaries, as all the participants seem to already know each other's likes and dislikes.  The story does not have an ending so much as the fun simply slows to a halt as the participants feel satisfied.  Broadly speaking, this category also includes live-streaming webcam shows, as the viewers experience a parasocial relationship with the performers, and the social mores, although clearly defined, are far more sexually permissive than in a normal context.

6. Stealth Fantasy - This story may follow a similar setup to any of the previous five stories, but with the major difference being that the main focus is on the avoidance of being discovered by a third party, and the thrill of the risk involved.  This may include a sex act in a public place, cheating on a partner, spying on someone, using a concealed sex toy, etc.  Cartoon or prose fiction may also include major social taboos such as incest, pedophilia or bestiality, provided that the primary focus of the story is on maintaining secrecy.  To a lesser degree, the Stealth Fantasy can also include solo pictures and videos in which the performer is trying to conceal his/her identity, thus creating a real-life scenario where the performer is engaging in a parasocial sexual interaction with online strangers, while maintaining secrecy from in-person acquaintances.  A typical Stealth Fantasy story can end in a number of ways.  The performer or performers may have successfully avoided being discovered, giving a figurative or literal wink to the camera.  The performers may be discovered after the act is completed, giving a comical shrug, suggesting it was never that big of a risk to begin with.  Or the performers may be discovered by a third party who, in an unsurprising plot twist, expresses an interest in joining them, or disappointment at having not been invited to join them.  This is one type of story that lends itself well to comedy as a way of lampshading the absurdity of how oblivious the third party can be.

7. Meet and Fuck Games - Due to the necessary long-form of this type of story, it is found more often in erotic video games than in movies or stories.  In this story, the protagonist encounters or is acquainted with a person, or more often, several different people, who finds the protagonist sexually attractive, but is unwilling to engage in any sexual acts with him/her until after they have gotten to know each other better, or until the protagonist has completed some sort of test.  In many ways, this follows a similar structure to the Boldness Pays Off story, but with the difference being that the secondary characters do not immediately capitulate.  Naturally, this lends itself well to the genre of video role-playing games.  Assuming the protagonist is achieving sex with multiple separate partners throughout the in-game narrative, there are often also elements of the Stealth Fantasy.  Such stories may also include complex nonsexual subplots, though they rarely impact the sexual elements, and could easily be done without.

Music Videos that Contradict Lyrics

 There are several music videos that seem to have nothing to do with what the lyrics of the song are actually about.  Here are some examples:

"Who's Johnny" - El DeBarge

Song:  "I'm in love with a girl who for some unspecified reason, keeps asking who Johnny is."

Video:  "I'm being questioned in a courtroom as to the identity of Johnny, which has some unclear connection to the movie 'Short Circuit.'"

"Backstreet's Back" - Backstreet Boys

Song:  "We have returned with a song that everyone will want to dance to, and also we're all very sexy."

Video:  "We're monsters."

"Jenny" - Tommy Tutone

Song:  "I saw a sex phone number written on a wall, and I don't have the courage to call it, but I keep thinking about it."

Video:  "I'm dangerously obsessed with my crush, and somehow, my therapist got a date with her simply by calling her phone number, and then had me arrested."

"Runaway" - Bon Jovi

Song:  "Her parents didn't pay enough attention to her, so she ran away from home and fell into a life of crime."

Video:  "She was mutated by radiation, and now can incinerate people with her mind, but she can learn to control her powers through the power of dancing to Bon Jovi music."

Stop Doing This in Porno Movies

Here is my list of things that need to stop happening in porno movies:

* Shakey handheld camera!  Seriously, how hard is it to set a camera on a tripod?

* Extreme camera zooms to the point where all you can see is a blur.

* Those nonstop camera shutter noises, because one photographer is taking still images, while the other takes the video.

* Backlighting, to the point where you're almost looking at silhouettes.

* Randomly switching between a first-person view and a third-person view.  Pick one or the other, and stick with it!

* Dirty talk from people who mumble.  Learn to enunciate!  Also, it wouldn't hurt to put up some acoustic tiles in the room, or at least a few thick blankets to absorb the echo, and get a decent microphone.

* High heels on hardwood floors.  Those things are loud, and if you haven't done the afore-mentioned acoustic prep, that sound is going to be the only thing we hear.

* Hearing the camera-guy talk, especially while only using the camera microphone.  Do you have any idea how loud that is compared to everything else in the room?

* Lamp-shading.  For those unfamiliar with the term, this is when the actors/directors make it a point to show that they aren't taking the work seriously, usually as a way to deflect criticism.  Guys, it's a porno movie!  How seriously did you think people were going to take it?

* Excessive search tags.  This is not so much a problem with the creators as with the uploaders.  You can tell someone just copied and pasted a bunch of generic search terms into the tags, descriptions, and even sometimes the title.  Try to stick to what is accurate, okay?

* Surprise fetishes not mentioned in the description.  How about a little warning before you start pissing on someone?

* Switching between dom and sub roles in the same video, especially if it feels like they just forgot what they were going for.

* Those "mother-daughter" scenes where it's obvious that both actresses are the same age.  Look, I know that sometimes, it's hard to get the type of performers you want, but at least make an effort.

* Treating interracial sex as if it's supposed to be something "shocking" or "taboo."  Seriously?  It's the twenty-first century!

* Overuse of the prefix "step."  I understand the concept of the stepmother, stepsister, stepdaughter, etc., but a whole "step-family?"  Sometimes, they use terms that don't even exist, like "step-friend" or "step-neighbor."  What is that???

* Characters with no peripheral vision.  Usually, it's something like a wife cheating on her husband, who is standing in the same room, but can't see the sex going on, because he's looking slightly to the left.  What is he, one of the security guards from Metal Gear?

* That pointless pixilation on Japanese movies.  I guess it's a law or something, but it's a dumb law.

* Stalling.  Two performers awkwardly trying to pad the runtime by re-stating the same dialog, just waiting for the director to give them the signal to start fucking.  It's cringy.

* Cutting away to a completely separate, non-sexual, overly complicated subplot.  It's as if the writer wanted to be taken seriously as an artist, but couldn't get anyone to look at his script for an original mystery crime drama, so he just snuck part of it into the middle of a porno movie.  Stop doing that!  Your story sucks, but even if it didn't, this would not be the proper place for it.

(More to be added as I think of them.)