Weird 80s-90s Jokes

The 80s and 90s had some running gags that, not even don't hold up well, but also didn't really make sense in the first place.  I classify these as more "recognition" jokes than "surprise" jokes, because people only laughed out of a sense of "hey, they did the thing."  (Think along the lines of someone pulling out a rubber chicken.)  If any of these jokes were inserted into a modern movie or show, and shown to an audience who wasn't familiar with the gag, they would almost certainly not get a laugh.  And yet, in the 80s and 90s, television and movie writers just couldn't resist the urge to do them over and over and over.  Here are some of the ones I can remember:

*  A woman walks up to a man and tries to flirt with him.  The man immediately says or does something stereotypically gay.  Pause for laughter.  (Alternatively, a gay man may simply be acting stereotypically in a scene for no reason.)

*  An American character is introduced to an Asian character.  The (usually white, but sometimes black) American immediately starts talking to the Asian in Japanese (apparently, the only Asian language).  The Asian character turns to the person next to him and says, "What's he talking about?" with an exaggerated American accent.  No pause this time.  Onto the next joke.

*  Someone uses the phrase "once a month," and someone euphemistically implies that it's kind of like women's periods.  This goes absolutely nowhere.

*  A man has to talk to a woman about something important, but instead of talking to her like a normal person, he creepily follows her for a while.  She rolls her eyes, and threatens the man with pepper spray or karate or something.  THEN the man starts talking about the important thing, and the mistaken-for-a-stalker gag is never mentioned again.

*  A man sees a person from behind, who is obviously a woman, but she happens to be wearing a hat.  When she turns around or removes her hat, revealing long hair, the man is dumbstruck, and possibly exclaims "You're a woman?"  Brief pause for laughter, and then move on with the story.  (I think the thing that bothers me the most about this gag is that it's not so much a joke on the stupidity of the man, but that it's framed like a joke on the audience.  As if I, the viewer, also thought she was a man.  Also, keep in mind that this joke was commonly used at a time when long hair on men was fashionable.)

*  A white man says something without swearing, and a black man replies with a PG swearword (usually "shit" or "ass").  Pause for laughter is optional.

* A white person says or does something stereotypically black (usually awkwardly).  A black onlooker shakes his head and rolls his eyes.

*  Catch-phrases (usually advertising slogans) such as "where's the beef?" or "I've fallen and I can't get up," followed by a (usually long) pause for laughter.

*  Someone says something sentimental, and then immediately announces they have to take a leak.  (Actually, now that I think about it, this gag is still being used.)

* Someone gets flipped upside-down for some reason, and whimsically says to another character, "I guess I'm head-over-heels for you."  Minimal pause.  (The thing that irritates me about this one is that the person's head is specifically NOT over their heels when they say this.)

*  Person A tells person B off, and then dramatically exits the room, closing the door behind him.  Person B says, "That's a closet."  Person A has to sheepishly exit the closet and then leave through the correct door.  Okay, I'll admit that this joke was funny once, maybe twice, but after a while, it just got way overused.

* Someone works in the phrase "thirteen o'clock" or "February the 30th."  Minimal pause.  This one is mostly applied to children's shows.

* Either a nerd or a foreigner attempts to use a colloquialism, but uses one wrong word, usually an antonym.  Another character immediately corrects him.  No pause.

* A person who doesn't "get" what the other person is enthusiastic about starts muttering a list of (usually three) relevant singular nouns to himself, but pluralized.  End of scene.

* A woman tells a man to "man up" or "grow a pair" or some other emasculating remark.  Pause for laughter and heavy applause.

* A person (usually a woman) is completely incompetent throughout the movie/episode, then does something brilliant, skillful or badass right near the end.  Everyone else looks stunned.  Long pause for laughter and applause.

* Someone works in a very specific reference to "Star Trek," usually the original series.  Minimal pause.

* A woman says or does something aggressive or otherwise stereotypically masculine.  The man observing her says something like, "Oh, I like her."  Brief pause.  (Again, we still see this one occasionally.)

* A group of people set up a fake miracle, haunting or UFO sighting.  Afterward, one minor aspect of the hoax was revealed to have been unexplained and presumably real.  Long pause as the characters stare blankly upward.

* A man fails to or misses an opportunity have sex with an attractive woman.  (It is not necessary that having sex with this woman was ever his stated goal.)  Optional wah-wah sound effect.  Movie/episode ends.

* Someone, without any provocation, insults, belittles, or physically assaults a mime.  Pause for laughter.

* The main character lies down in a bed and immediately assumes that the previous events were all a dream.  Alternatively, the main character wakes up from a dream, but then finds lingering evidence that it was not.

* A child runs to an adult to ask for help.  The adult assumes that the child is lying.  This causes a delay in getting help for about five seconds, and then is not mentioned again.  (This is more of a 60s/70s gag, but it did come up later occasionally.)

* And older and/or sophisticated person makes a disparaging remark about either rock and roll or rap, for no apparent reason.  No pause.  On to the next scene.

* A stereotypical nerd says a stereotypically nerdy thing.  Pause for laughter.

* The entire story is told in flashback.  The teller finally reveals that the story was not true, then in the next scene, reveals to the audience that it was true.  Typically, these types of stories don't need to be told in flashback at all.

* Everyone repeatedly and brutally insults the fat person.  Pause for laughter every time.  For some reason, the fat person is still friends with these people.  (Actually, this joke has probably been around since time immemorial.)

I'll probably add more to this list as I think of them.