Most Overrated Things

A LIST OF THE MOST OVERRATED THINGS (in no particular order):

CAVIAR - Stop pretending to like this shit just because it's expensive.  It's no better or worse than any other kind of seafood.  Personally, I prefer to eat animals that live on land, but I don't get all hoity-toity about them.

LOBSTER - See above.

WINE - Of all the things that get you drunk, this is the only one that snobs feel the need to make quality assessments of that nobody else can even pick up on.

VIRGINS - Unless you're a hungry volcano god, I don't see what the big deal is.  If you're awkward and inexperienced in bed, it hardly makes sense for me to be willing to blow myself up to get seventy of you.

VIRGINITY - Some people treasure it, to be given away to just the right person or maybe never.  Others want to get rid of it as quickly as possible, so they don't have to carry this disgrace around with them anymore.  People, THERE'S NOTHING THERE!  It's an imaginary concept.

THE AMERICAN FLAG - It's a company logo for a nation, not a deity or an idol that needs to be worshipped.  You don't have to protect it by laws, ceremonially burn it if it touches the ground, or stand in a weird position every time you see one.  When people go to war, they're fighting for freedom, loyalty, honor, duty...  NOT for a fancy cloth rectangle!

THE CATCHER IN THE RYE - I haven't read it, but everyone I know who read it said it sucked.

RENT (The Broadway Musical) - A bunch of unemployed people sing about not wanting to pay rent that they're actually supposed to pay.  After one song, the whole thing gets dropped, and we get a pointless meandering incoherent, badly performed series of events about people dying of AIDS and how artists are better than normal people.  Why am I the only one who sees it's a piece of shit?

SPICY FOOD - It's okay, but why do people act like there's no upper limit to this thing?  It's as if hotter automatically equals better.  It's the same thing with bigger dicks being better in porno movies, but at least in that, no one watching really takes it seriously.

IQS - Being smarter doesn't make you better.  Hitler was smarter than Forrest Gump.  Besides, IQ tests aren't even an accurate measure of intelligence, because they put all possible skills onto a single line.  You can't compare the number for a rocket scientist to the number for a brilliant poet.

COLLEGE EDUCATION - It doesn't really help you get THAT many more jobs than a high school education or even a GED... at least, not unless you're going for a masters degree at some top university, and even then, it's not based on what you learned so much as how much you spent to go there.  Some colleges even put "the college experience" at a higher priority than actually learning.  I say, save your money, just be drunk and unemployed with your friends for four years, and read a book occasionally.

LOGIC - Just once, can't I express an opinion without it being scrutinized for validity?  Take a guess!  Rely on a hunch!  Follow your heart!  Take a leap of faith!  Trust your instincts!  Just please, stop overanalyzing the shit out of everything!

MODELS - Are they truly the most beautiful people, or are they setting the standards of beauty impossibly high?  Neither!  They're people who show us clothes.  That's their job.  They're overpaid, over-glorified, and over-pressured to NOT put pressure on anyone else.

TABLE MANNERS - Does it bother you if the knife is on the wrong side of the plate?  You call it courtesy and an understanding of high society.  I call it severe obsessive-compulsive disorder.

SUPERBOWL COMMERCIALS - Let's be honest.  They're like SNL sketches.  You're lucky to get one good one out of five.