HERE IS A LIST IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER OF THE WORST TV COMMERCIALS OF ALL TIME:
(At least, these are the ones I could find online.)
ENCYCLOPEDIA BRITANNICA:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hxwin9XFbnQ
"I wonder who will make people want to buy encyclopedias? Oh, how about the most obnoxious jerk on the planet!" Seriously, every time this came on, I wanted to put my fist through the screen.
OVALTINE:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ACEy8ps9qA
Ovaltine commercials are known for their unnecessary shouting, but that has to be some of the worst acting I've seen outside of a porno movie. Another one I haven't been able to find has one kid saying "Is it Nesquik?" the response to which SHOULD HAVE been, "Are you fucking deaf? We've been screaming the words 'rich chocolate Ovaltine' repeatedly since this commercial began!" Sadly, though, the other kid simply responded with an all-too-artificial, "Nesquik? Get real. It's rich chocolate Ovaltine." (Yes, she actually said "get real.")
GLADE PLUG-IN:
Another commercial I've been having trouble finding is the Glade (I think it was Glade) plug-in air-freshener with the extra outlet. The mother is trying to plug in a blender to make milkshakes, but she can't because there's no extra outlet. I just have to wonder how bad your house has to stink for you to not be able to unplug the air-freshener long enough to make a fucking milkshake?
DIGIORNO'S PIZZA:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwpvs9OCL40
Okay, let's break this one down: First of all, the Digiorno Pizza commercials always annoyed me, because they keep asking "who delivered?" which is a stupid question to ask, since not all fresh-baked pizzas need to be delivered (they can also be picked up), nobody would ask who delivered (you want the name of the driver? most people would want to know where it came from), and most importantly, they were there WHILE THE PIZZA WAS BEING MADE, and at no point, did they see a delivery guy, hear a knock or a doorbell, or see the host getting up to answer the door!
All that being said, this one has additional things wrong with it. The guy is trying to impress his friends by ordering a pizza (which is in no way any more impressive than telling his wife to make pizza for them), being a total jerk to the alleged pizza place (which is not impressive at all, and certainly not more impressive than being a jerk to your wife), and making the most vague order ever. Seriously, would you ever order a pizza by saying you want it "the way I like it" with "toppings?" What toppings? He didn't say! He didn't even give a fucking address! Aren't his friends suspicious that he didn't give any information? Apparently, they also don't mind eating spit, because that's what you would normally have on your pizza if you talked to the pizza guy like that.
But the most infuriating thing is the wife. She doesn't like him pulling this stunt (he's apparently done it before), yet she... and this is very important... STILL MAKES THE PIZZA! Why would she do this?! But I guess she gets revenge later, by turning on the lawn sprinklers. Yeah, never mind that she just made dinner for her incredibly rude husband and all his friends who... watch television on the lawn for some reason... but afterward, she got them slightly wet. That's showing them. By the way, why turn the sprinklers on the other two guys? They were innocents in all this.
There are two more I'd like to find. One with the guy who bets that the pizza is delivery, loses the bet and has to go to work naked (or wearing a tutu, in the other version). I'm curious to know how the winner convinced the loser that the pizza wasn't delivery after the bet was made, because he clearly wasn't convinced by the fact that he was (once again) there while the pizza was being made. The other one is the parody of the blindfolded feeding scene from "9 1/2 Weeks," and the woman gets offended because she thinks the guy "invited a delivery boy?! What kind of girl do you think I am?!" In this version, not only does she think someone delivered a pizza without her remember it, but believes that he's still there, apparently invisible, and presumably, because he was or is there at all, that the guy is planning some kind of threesome. (At least, that's how I interpret it. It's a little vague.)
HEAD-ON:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Is3icfcbmbs
Laziest commercial EVER!!!! This, and it's counterpart, Freedhem Hemorrhoid Cream, have become something of a joke on the internet. Even Head-On got in on the joke, making another commercial where people are saying how much they hate the commercial. Points for self-awareness, even if a little belated.
MILKY-WAY:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J16vPEicmmQ
Wow, there is not a single microsecond of this commercial that doesn't piss me off.
First, there's a girl in a candy bar. What the fuck?! "Why so blue, panda bear?" Why the fuck is he a panda bear? "Whatever." Actually, this is the updated version. In the original, the line was "What-ev," which is apparently something that people say...... who aren't gay hipsters. "You are a buffet of manliness." I don't even know what the fuck that means! He's not manly at all, and even if he were, how is it a buffet? She's the food. Shouldn't SHE be the buffet? Then, he fucking EATS HER! Ho...... ly........ shiiiiiiit!
This commercial is so bad, that people (besides me) have literally written articles about it. That's saying a lot.
ROLLING ROCK:
I can't find this one, but a bunch of dorky-looking guys are sitting in a bar, and a bunch of way-too-hot-and-overdressed chicks pull the dorkiest one of them onto the dance floor. The narrator talks in the style of a nature show, that the male is now terrified and attempts to flee. Now I'm no psychologist, but don't most guys... oh, I don't know... WANT to spend time with gorgeous women?
Now here's the part where I really wish I had a video link. "Dance badly, and she will find him inadequate. Dance too well, and he will arouse suspicion from his friends." The guy does the whitest, dorkiest, most awkward dance move I've ever seen in my life (he basically nods his head and holds up a fist with a stupid grin), but then notices that his friends are giving him a judgmental look. It seems that he was dancing so well, that he must be gay. So he lowers the fist.
He tries to leave the dance floor to get another beer, but his friends, apparently to torture him, send more beer out to him. Haha, what a loser! He's probably going to get laid! Sucks to be him!
There's also a similar Rolling Rock commercial, where the nature-show narrator says that males use a reverse blowing action to cool their food. The guys bite into pizza that's too hot, and they suck air in. Oh, those silly men and their silly ways! I guess if they were smart and logical like women are, their reaction to biting into hot food would be to............ Yeah, I don't know what else either. Tough it out and let your mouth get burned? Spit it out in front of everyone? Activate a miniature surgically-implanted air-conditioner inside your skull? Seriously, there are enough dumb guy things that only guys do, that we don't have to start making up new ones.
TWIX:
"Get the girl." I can't find the original version of this one, but Twix apparently loved the concept so much that they made a shitload of interactive videos, where the object is to get "the girl," who obviously doesn't want to fuck you, to fuck you.
Besides the obvious whole new level of sexism, the writing is just plain horrible. Let's break down the original version of this ad:
"Protesting is awesome." Translation: "The audience should know that she was saying good things about protesting something, and I'm pretending to agree in the most unconvincing way possible, but I'm not going to get into WHAT was being protested, because that would take too long and be divisive."
"Do you want to come back to my apartment?" "What?!" (Translation: "How dare you suggest that you're obvious flirting with someone you just met at a party was intended as a way of getting that most disgusting thing every invented -- sex.")
Next, he eats a Twix, which has the effect of pausing the scene. A pause button appears on screen, which makes the sound of a record being scratched. (Strange, I didn't know records-players had pause buttons.)
"I'm sorry, I thought you were a true-believer. I thought you wanted to come back to my place and blog about your ideals." Translation: "Derrrrrrr, this is how normal people talk, right?"
Her response SHOULD have been, "Are you out of your motherfucking mind?!" Her ACTUAL response was an enthusiastic "I love blogging!"
I can only imagine that after the commercial ended, she went back to his place and was raped by the guy. Apparently, this commercial (as well as many others) take place in some alternate universe where women hate sex, and thus, sex only takes place if men can trick them into entering their apartments. (This is impressive, because according to almost every commercial, men are morons.) I honestly don't know which of these two idiots I have less respect for.
I should point out that in later commercials, they did get rid of the stupid record-scratch sound.... and replace it with tires screeching. (I didn't know tires had a pause button.) Later, this evolved to pressing an ACTUAL pause button, but not the scene doesn't stop. It just slows down. Almost had it there.
MIRACLE WHIP:
"You say you don't like Miracle Whip. You've never tried Miracle Whip. See the problem?"
Um, who are you talking to? Do you have someone specific in mind? I'm surprised the announcer doesn't pause, and then say, ".....Steve!"
PEPSI:
Remember when Channel One first came out in schools? I do. They had ads hosted by Sara Gilbert, saying that people don't like commercials, so instead, they're going to do something called "It's like this." What's like what, you may ask? Simple. "It's like this" is LIKE a commercial. That is all.
Also, their slogan at the time was "Pepsiiiii! Yhwahhhhh!" I know soda companies tend to change their slogan about every five seconds, but this one was really showing them running out of ideas.
DOVE:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZ3j4T0uYZk
Men are superior to women in every way! And.... also........ buy soap.
CHRYSLER:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYAUhMtOwGY
This commercial actually makes me want to chop my own dick off. I'm glad that no women will ever see this commercial, because as we all know, 1) women never watch the Superbowl, and 2) Superbowl commercials are only aired once during the game, and not at all available anywhere else with huge press coverage promoting them.
E-TRADE:
Another one I can't quite find. The tag line is "be master of your domain." This is a catch phrase lifted from a Seinfeld episode that had nothing to do with online trading. (It was about jerking off.)
Just in case that tag line wasn't inappropriate enough, the guy in the commercial does such a good job that the dog bows to him. Fine. Then the plant bows. Okay, that's a little silly, but... Then the chair and the laptop bow. Okay, that's enough. Chairs aren't supposed to bow. Then the wife comes in and bows..... but wait, she's not bowing! She dropped her earring. Haha, fooled you! Because after all, no matter how much the premise of this commercial is that the guy is awesome, women still have to throw in an insult somewhere.
LIPOZONE:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5pkH478LBo
"Body fat is unattractive." Well, that's a little subjective, isn't it? They don't even say HOW MUCH body fat is unattractive. Apparently, any. I guess attractive people have no fat at all. That means no stored energy, so you have to eat constantly, no insulation from cold, and of course, women have no tits or ass. (Want to rethink that "body fat is unattractive" line into something, maybe a little more specific?)
Also, take a look at :56 into the ad. HOLY SHIT! LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT PILL! It's like two feet long! How am I supposed to swallow that thing? Oh, never mind. I guess I don't swallow it. It just explodes in front of me and sprays me with dots. Oh well, as long as it makes me skinny..... Actually, it doesn't make me any thinner. It just makes the fat slightly more transparent. Seriously, somebody animated that shit!
DOMINO'S PIZZA:
I can't find this one, but a guy rings a bell and the "dumb dog" (he actually calls the dog "dumb" because of this) wants a treat. First of all, I think a dog would have to be a moron to hear a bell every time he gets a treat, and NOT figure out the connection. Second, the guy was really overacting. Anyway, then the doorbell rings, and it's Domino's. The guys jump up and run to the door. (I'm not sure what other reaction would be appropriate for a ringing doorbell.)
Still, it's a clever idea for a Superbowl commercial to associate a human being susceptible to a Pavlov's dog reaction..... unless that idea had been done already:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12FKMvlP8qc
Yep, Domino's ripped of an old Pepsi commercial, and didn't even do it well.
There's a follow-up commercial where the guys are in a hardware store, and a woman rings a doorbell on display. All the guys run up, stare at her for a minute, and then ask if she has Dominos Philly Cheesesteak Pizza. Plus one point for making the reaction to the doorbell out of context, but minus ten for suggesting that they're not just having a conditioned reaction, but actually believe she's delivering pizza to them. What I really want to know is why the women (and, yes, there were women standing around) were not affected by the bell. Is it because women are too smart and too sane to think that the hardware store is their home and there's a pizza coming? No, I think it's because the commercial writers think that only males like the taste of pizza. Women presumably eat rainbows and pixie dust.
KLONDIKE:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxC9-PJfyKo
I think this commercial maybe could have been done a little bit better.... Oh, wait, they DID do it better, several years earlier!
The wife comes home, she tells a story, and it looks like the husband isn't listening. Suddenly, he asks a relevant question. She looks shocked. The announcer says, "(The guy's name) listened to his wife's entire story. Give that man a Klondike bar!"
There were several "give that person a Klondike bar" commercials, and they were all well-done. I guess Klondike figured out that commercials are supposed to be stupid.
AND THE PUSSY-OUT AWARD GOES TO: CONCORDE:
This commercial is good:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuaIJGJNbzo
After about a week, they cut out the last line, and replaced it with a poorly-acted voice-over: "Concorde, Massachusetts, silly."
Way to puss out. I kind of think they made the new punch line bad on purpose, as a slap in the face to the whoever complained about it and made them change it.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT:
I can't find it, and I can't remember what it was advertising. (Yeah, I know. Not very helpful.) It was this really old guy shoving his face practically into the camera, saying, in the most angry voice possible, "This is a generation of slackers!!" Cut to a young hip teenager who is so obnoxious, that he makes the Encyclopedia Britanica kid look like Oliver Twist. He shoves his face even CLOSER into the camera, and screams, yes, screams, "I DON'T THIIIIIINK SOOOOO!!!!!" He then proceeds to tell how great his generation is (which is about mid-90s, so... yeah, that). "We like to feel the dirt in our teeth, while we still have them." Yeah, fuck you, old people! Young people are so great, because of our extreme sports that we all.... supposedly have something to do with.
I really wish I had a link to this one, because until you actually see it, there's no way I can explain just how angry this commercial is.
EXTENZE:
No link to the exact one I'm thinking of, but basically, a spokesman talks about the bigger-penis pills (using every conceivable way to avoid actually saying the word "penis"), and then cuts to the man-on-the-street to talk about it. When they cut back, they're in a DIFFERENT STUDIO with a DIFFERENT SPOKESMAN. Is this some take-over artist, like the karate chick from "Plumbers Don't Wear Ties?" (Obscure reference, I know.)
They cut to a DIFFERENT man-on-the-street doing interviews, and then back to YET ANOTHER different studio and another different spokesman! This happens about five or six times. What the fuck! Is severe ADHD one of the side-effects?
VOLKSWAGEN:
The commercial is like two or three minutes long, and talking about a rare learning disorder called "attentional inertia." The child can't learn when the rules of solving a puzzle have changed. We then see an adult with the same disorder, trying to identify different brands of luxury cars, but because of his disorder, he does not recognize any of the cars as Volkswagens even when he sees the logo. The all new Volkswagen! What the fuck?!!! That was a car commercial?! Is attentional inertia even a real disorder? It wouldn't be the first time that Volkswagen started making up words. (Remember "fahrvergnügen" and "turbonium?") Am I supposed to go out and buy a Volkswagen, or am I supposed to feel bad for people with brain diseases who can't tell that a luxury car can be made by Volkswagen?
And another masterpiece from the makers of Volkswagen:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PawmEoFy_2o
VW seems to have a problem with remembering to mention the car. I really thought this was a commercial for dog food or a gym or something. Oh wait, I saw a car for a few seconds about halfway in. I guess it really was a car commercial. And then....... FUCKING STAR WARS! And a reference to last year's commercial, which they assume we were all still thinking about. People, get this through your heads. You make a commercial for the audience, not for yourself and what you think is entertaining.
YAZ:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5bB-rmsD-rc
First of all, try to ignore the uploader-added text. It's not part of the commercial. (This is the only copy of the original ad I could find.)
The problem with this is that NO HUMAN BEING TALKS LIKE THIS! I know they're legally required to say all this, but do they have to try to make it sound conversational....ish?
As if this isn't enough, the FDA required, that's right REQUIRED them to make this follow-up, because they didn't put enough information in it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EO-G8O0lHq0
Thanks government regulation. I'm so glad you're here to protect of from commercials being too short or not boring enough.
AND THE BALLS OF STEEL AWARD GOES TO: THE WEATHER CHANNEL:
Remember ads like this for DirecTV?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z01sQpuBe4s
Well take a look at this ad put out by the Weather Channel:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9lF0DqRMq0
Holy shit, they just flat out copied the whole thing! Trying to beat them at their own game, weather channel? That takes balls!
COORS LIGHT:
Coors Light had a whole series of ads talking about things guys love, like twins, twins... twins. Yeah, they're pretty obsessed with twins.
As annoying (yet unfortunately very catchy) as those commercials were, they hit an all time new level of patheticness with a p.o.v. shot of a guy WATCHING the Coors Light commercial and repeatedly pausing and rewinding the part with the twins. The tag line was, "Here's to the remote control." As if all the guys watching are supposed to immediately relate to that. Yeah, we don't have unlimited free hardcore porno movies online twenty-four hours a day. We get off by pausing and replaying a two-second shot of a couple of twins on a beer commercial. Seriously, if I was the guy doing that, I'd probably also be crying a lot.
WELLS-FARGO:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AHjkZJWqhH0
I want to know what the conversation was like between the couple before the commercial. Probably something like, "We need financial advice for that thing that we both want." "You're right, I know exactly what that thing is, but I'm not going to say it out loud to confirm it until AFTER we've gone to a financial advisor." And then the advisor must have been like, "Never mind why you're here. Let me tell you all the details of someone ELSE'S financial situation." I guess they only provided good service that one time, and they like talking about it every chance they get.
HYUNDAI:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3eBVnRnc8k
This is what happens what you let people with sever ADHD write your car commercial.
HYUNDAI VELOSTAR:
A guy gets out of his car with a girl. The announcer says, "Why three doors?" Then a second girls gets out of the back seat. "You know why." No, I don't fucking know why! Three doors is supposed to somehow cause me to have two dates? Then why don't I drive a four-door and get three women? Really, the lack of sex I'm getting is not in any way related to the lack of available car doors.
As usual, it took a foreigner to actually get this shit right. Here's the Dutch version:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKOmEuKFaJs
Yeah, that was awesome.
SOMETHING CAMERA-RELATED (Cant' remember exactly):
A woman digitally alters her photos in the store, and narrates every second of the video, as if we're idiots who can't see what's going on. She takes a group photo from a party, and crops it so that the guy she likes (who looks like a dork, actually) is standing next to her as if they were a couple. What's sad is that this is portrayed as if it were a perfectly normal, non-crazy thing to do. On the way out, she literally bumps into (of course) that very same guy, and guess what! He drops the EXACT SAME PHOTO. Aw, isn't that sweet, they tried to stalk each other.
SOME CAR:
"What would you do if someone gave you (whatever brand of car) for a week?" It then cuts to people's responses: "First, I'll get some lunch." "Sky-diving." Then the announcer is like, "Here you go," and tosses them the keys. The people scream in fake enthusiasm, and I'm like, uh, you're only borrowing the car. Are you going to sky-dive in the car? What is it about having this brand of car for one week, that lets you do whatever you want that has nothing to do with the car? Well, it turns out that it was a promotion for some contest, where you win some money or a vacation or some shit like that, with the condition that you have to drive the car at some point. Hmph, would have ben nice to include that information in the voice-over, so the people don't sound like complete fucking idiots.
GIRLS GONE WILD:
Aside from the whole concept of "Girls Gone Wild" being a pointlessly stupid video series for people who haven't figured out what free internet porn is yet, there is one commercial that is the absolute worst. It starts out: "How would you like to take this private jet to this tropical island, and party with these hot babes?" And I'm like, "Yeah, that sounds like fun. Is this a contest or something? How do I enter?" The commercial then continues: "Well, now's your chance to watch Doug Stanhope live YOUR DREAM!" What?!!! This wasn't even my dream until a few seconds ago, and now I'm supposed to watch SOMEONE ELSE live it instead of me?! Talk about a fucking tease! And fuck Doug Stanhope for being a part of it! (Okay, not really. Doug is still cool.) But seriously, fuck this announcer. What's their next ad campaign? "Are you a starving Ethiopian? Well, now's your chance to watch me eat a delicious meal right in front of you!"
AT&T:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lHA7DHLWgCk
Nope.
And last, but not least...
EVERY ANTI-DRUG PSA:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nl5gBJGnaXs
This PSA became a running gag throughout the 80s and 90s. Everyone was making jokes about it -- kids, comedians, sit-coms. That aside, it doesn't even make sense. "Frying your brain" is just an expression. It doesn't tell me anything about what drugs ACTUALLY do to my brain. In fact, it doesn't even tell me WHAT drugs fry my brain like an egg. Crack? Acid? Tylenol? What specific drugs fry your brain? Well, many years later, they answered that question.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PawmEoFy_2o
This makes me less afraid of heroin, and more afraid of psycho bitches with frying pans.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHFnc_eV4Lg
How am I supposed to take this seriously, when it's Pee-Wee-Fucking-Herman?!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7FOTlgL_0U
Um, did we forget something? Like maybe, oh, I don't know, something about NOT DOING DRUGS? I actually had to see several of these "Above the Influence" ads before I even figured out they were anti-drug PSAs. Most of them look like they just gave someone a camera, and said, "Go film something. We'll figure out what it's for later." Here are a few more choice selections from the people at Above the Influence.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-EkHuHkFvA
If you do drugs, your dog will talk, and be a buzz-kill. Also, I don't think it's a coincidence that the girl's name is Lindsay, right after Lindsay Lohan became the person that the zeitgeist decided that we didn't like anymore, because people who do drugs are bad, and young female stars are terrible human beings. (And yes, she DOES have first-name recognition!)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQVfsY0-ZR0
I'm really starting to not like talking dogs. They're bummers. Worst of all, they have their own flag. The dogs are taking over, and they will judge us for smoking weed.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WuAarw_LGvQ
It just keeps getting weirder and weirder. Go ahead, try to tell me the person who wrote this WASN'T on drugs at the time. And the aliens have a flag too, apparently.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkuRhZa3qZ0
W.... T.... FUCK????!!!!! Aaarrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vDogw71oGFY
"If you're not in control, who is?" Is that a rhetorical question? Are they insinuating that there are drug-dealers (or maybe Illuminati; they don't really make it clear) deliberately controlling people's actions. What just may make this the worst anti-drug PSA of all time is the fact that the people on drugs look like they're having fun, and the people not on drugs look lame, awkward, and frightened. I'm not entirely convinced that this isn't an ad FOR drugs!
I mean, what next? Are we going to have kids enthusiastically singing about drugs...?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mrhuaj540Aw
...Mother of Gods!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtR5xw_HZVQ
See that, kids? Don't get "twisted," and you get free food at diners.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AnTwn6hwSX8
I know I'm saying the obvious, but... Legalize it! Problem solved! When alcohol was illegal, gangs were shooting people dead in the streets to control their territories. When was the last time you saw a shootout in the streets between legal bartenders?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFLFihL6JNk
This one was met with a lot of "liar, liar, pants-on-fire" responses. Some Taliban supporters have some opium production, therefore, ALL drugs support ALL terrorism. By this logic, we should not buy gasoline either, because Al Qaeda was funded by money inherited from wealthy oil tycoons. In fact, we probably shouldn't spend money making anti-drug PSAs, because the money spent on them will eventually wind up in the hands of people using it to buy gasoline.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_XFn8MMq_BE
Oh, okay. Good... um... point? You really can't argue with that logic, because... it's a fact that you can't argue with that logic.
There's one I can't find from the 1980s, about a guy saying his wife died in a train crash, because the driver was smoking marijuana. First, his acting was terrible. Second, I'm not driving a train.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4xmFcrJexk
It's not enough just not to be a smoker. You have to HATE the evil corporate overlords who MAKE us smoke! The "Truth" campaigns made a long series of anti-corporate ads. The really ironic thing is that a lot of anti-smoking PSAs are funded by the tobacco companies themselves. Apparently, the only product that advertises NOT to use it is advertising that they're evil for trying to coerce you INTO using it. I'll give you a few minutes to let that sink in, and hope your brain doesn't explode.
These are the same "Truth" people who use hidden cameras (that are obviously not hidden), remind us that more people die from smoking than there are garbage cans in New York City (which to me, just means that we need more trash cans), that the tobacco company tried to cover up the fact that it causes cancer by calling it "zephyr" (which I've never seen on a pack of cigarettes), an uncovering a "secret memo" (public information) from many years ago showing no link between tobacco and cancer. The spokesman says, "I guess now we know." Yes we do... What the fuck was your point? That before we knew, the evil corporate monsters also secretly didn't know? Or that they lied and said they didn't know, but kept that lie a secret... which would defeat the whole purpose of lying.... Okay, how does one lie without telling the lie? I'm confused. All we need to know is that tobacco companies are bad guys.
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