Top Twenty-Five Christmas Movies

Here's my list of the TOP TWENTY-FIVE CHRISTMAS MOVIES of all time...  or at least, the first twenty-five that popped into my head, because let's face it, there are so many, there's no way I could see, let alone remember all of them.  (I heard that "Fred Claus" is good, but I haven't seen that one yet.)

First, let me give an honorable mention to movies that aren't about Christmas per se, but just happen to be taking place at Christmastime:

DIE HARD (1988):  Bruce Willis fights terrorists who take over an office building.  Yippee ki yay, motherfucker!

TOYS (1992):  A toy factor is taken over by a military maniac.  It's got Robin Williams in it.  What's not to love?

WHITE CHRISTMAS (1954):  Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye take a trip to Vermont.  Can't go wrong.

BLACK CHRISTMAS (1974):  A sorority is terrorized by a serial killer.  Merry Christmas.

HOME ALONE (1990):  Macaulay Culkin defends his house against burglars.  Good movie, but skip the sequels.

Okay, now for the top twenty-five ACTUAL Christmas movies:

#25...

SANTA CLAUS (1958):  This is one of those "so bad it's good" movies.  Santa has to deliver the toys, but the devil tries to stop him.  It's a Mexican-made kid's movie, chock full of WTF moments.

#24...

BAD SANTA (2003):  Billy Bob Thornton as the worst mall Santa ever.  The kid was kind of annoying, but Billy was good.

#23...

RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER (1964):  Not just by itself, mind you, but combined with the entire series including "Rudolph's Shiny New Year," "Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July," and "A Year Without a Santa Claus..." and what the hell, let's throw "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" into the mix... and "Frosty the Snowman."  They're all basically part of the same series... sort of.

#22...

THE SANTA CLAUSE 1, 2 & 3:  Actually, the best part was seeing the trailer for the first time.  Tim Allen has to take over for Santa Claus?  Use your imagination.  (The actual movie isn't too bad either.)

#21...

ERNEST SAVES CHRISTMAS (1988):  Do you like stupid stuff?  Good, because it doesn't get any stupider than the Ernest movies.

#20...

EBBIE (1995):  One of the million modern updates to "A Christmas Carol," this time with Ebbie Scrooge (Susan Lucci) as a department store owner.

#19...

THE CHRISTMAS SECRET (2000):  Who knew that Santa Claus's existence could have such a modern, scientific take?

#18...

SANTA CLAUS, THE MOVIE (1985):  The first half of the movie is probably one of the best Santa Claus origin stories you'll see.  The second half is kind of silly, but John Lithgow makes it good.

17...

A CHRISTMAS CAROL (1951):  The Alastair Sim version.  This is the one that all future versions are imitating.
16...

NATIONAL LAMPOON'S CHRISTMAS VACATION (1989):  One of those extremely rare occurrences in movies where there's a sequel that's better than the original.  Sure, "Family Vacation" was good, and "European Vacation" was okay, but this is... um... the Christmas one.  (P.S. Nobody gives a crap about "Vegas Vacation.")

15...

A CHRISTMAS CAROL (1999):  The Patrick Stewart version.  Stewart played a one-man performance of Charles Dickens for quite a long time before doing this.  It's definitely one of the better versions.

14...

THE MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL (1992):  Michael Caine as Scrooge and Gonzo as Charles Dickens.  'Nuff said.

13...

SANTA BABY (2006):  Jenny McCarthy as Santa's daughter, trying to make Christmas even better.  The sequel isn't bad either.

12...

SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS (1964):  The title says it all.  It's stupid... so stupid that you can't help but love it.  I recommend the MST3K version.

11...

A CHRISTMAS STORY (1983):  "You'll shoot your eye out!" is just one of about a million quotable lines from this classic.

10...

SCROOGED (1988):  Bill Murray experiences "A Christmas Carol" WHILE producing a performance of "A Christmas Carol."  Meta enough for you?

9...

THE HEBREW HAMMER (2003):  Adam Goldberg is a Jewish secret agent out to stop an evil Santa Claus (Andy Dick) from destroying Hanukkah.  "Shalom, motherfucker!"
8...

MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET (1947):  Santa comes to New York City to teach the meaning of Christmas.  It's a classic.  (The remakes are decent too.)

7...

IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE (1946):  Jimmy Stewart sees the world as if he'd never been born.  Not only one of the best Christmas movies ever, but one of the best movies of all time.  If I were being objective, this would probably be number one.

6...

SANTA AND PETE (1999):  Black Peter's travels with St. Nicholas from Holland to America.  How cool is that?

5...

THE LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF SANTA CLAUS (1985):  Another Santa Claus origin story.  This one is based on the book by L. Frank Baum.

4...

A CHRISTMAS CAROL (1984):  The George C. Scott version.  Definitely the best version.

3...

RISE OF THE GUARDIANS (2012):  Jack Frost joins the ranks of Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and the Sandman in order to protect the world from the Boogie Man.  Santa kicks some serious ass in this one.

2...

HOGFATHER (2006):  When the Hogfather cannot deliver the toys to Discworld on Hogswatch, Death must take his place, while his granddaughter, Susan enters the Tooth Fairy's castle to stop an assassin from killing all the mythological persons with some help from the Wizards of the Unseen University, and Bilius, the Oh-God of Hangovers.  Yeah, it's pretty complicated, but it's fucking awesome!

1...

THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS (1993):  Jack Skellington, the king of Halloween, has decided to take over Christmas.  I think anyone who knows me could have guessed that this would be my number one.

AND NOW FOR THE TOP FIVE WORST CHRISTMAS MOVIES:

#5: Christmas Shoes.
#4: Christmas Shoes.
#3: Christmas Shoes.
#2: A Diva's Christmas Carol (which was basically just a promotion for VH1's Behind the Music)
#1: Christmas Shoes