Just a few thoughts on the portrayal of witches in movies. I won't be including movies where the witch is only in a minor role, or movies which I haven't seen.
MACBETH: (1611) William Shakespeare's tale of a man who assassinates a king in order to steal his throne, but eventually gets his comeuppance. The Wyrd Sisters in this play and all of its various movie adaptations have established in the popular culture the image of the three old crones chanting around the cauldron. Much of Shakespeare's inspiration was taken (allegedly) from local witch folklore of the time, including specific spells, which is one of the reasons why many people today believe that the play is cursed. The witches in this play are portrayed as not exactly evil, but simply mischievous, and upon being told by the goddess Hecate that their deeds have caused serious harm throughout the kingdom, use their same mischievous tactics to resolve the issue.
HÄXAN: (1922) This Swedish-Danish-made silent movie serial is a documentary about the witch trials of the middle ages. Although some of its historical accuracy is questionable, it does take a very mature look at how dangerous fear and superstition can be, and how lucky we are to be living in a modern age of science and reason. One criticism I have is that it leaves out the impact of Pagan religions and practices, as well as the cultural history of the Christian religions. It's sort of a "they didn't know any better" look at how all seemingly supernatural things can be scientifically explained, ignoring the fact that beliefs and practices of the supernatural still exist today.
SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS: (1937) There have been countless variations on the old Snow White story since time immemorial (i.e. the Middle Ages), but the 1937 Disney animated version is probably the most culturally significant, not only for being the most iconic image of Snow White, but more importantly, for being the first ever feature-length animation. The evil queen in the story is fairly true to the old folk tale, in that her motivation is more about the evils of jealousy and vanity than the evils of witchcraft. I think one of the most vilifying things about her, at least to American audiences, is the fact that she is a royal authority figure, and audiences always want to root for the underdog. In other words, she's not an evil witch, but rather an evil queen who simply uses witchcraft as one of the weapons in her arsenal. This same motif can be seen in later Disney movies such as "Sleeping Beauty." Various later incarnations of the Snow White story have kept this theme.
THE WIZARD OF OZ: (1939) Silent movies about the Land of Oz started being made almost immediately following the invention of movies, and L. Frank Baum, the creator of the Oz books, had his own movie production company. The most well-known version, however, was MGM's 1939 Technicolor version starring Judy Garland. Besides winning its share of awards, establishing MGM's reputation as the company that makes lavish musicals, and becoming one of the most beloved children's classics of all time, this is the movie that cemented the image of Oz (including the image of the Wicked Witch of the West) into the popular culture. Do I really need to explain the plot? Okay, Dorothy gets swept up by a tornado to a strange land, and needs the Wizard's help to get home. There. One of the things I like about this movie is the way witches are portrayed as having the potential to use their powers for good or evil. The 1985 sequel "Return to Oz" starring Fairuza Balk, and the 2013 prequel "Oz the Great and Powerful" starring James Franco, complete the trilogy by adapting other Oz stories, but tying them into the story elements and visual styles of the 1939 version. All three movies are excellent.
I MARRIED A WITCH: (1942) In this light-hearted romantic comedy, a witch played by Veronica Lake, who was burned at the stake has just returned to take revenge on the direct descendant of her accuser. She tries to slip him a love potion with the intent of spurning him, but instead is given the love potion herself. She breaks up his intended wedding, elopes with him (inexplicably, as he had been rejecting her up until this point), and finally tells him that she is a witch, proving her power by rigging an election for him. The whole while, her father is attempting to ruin him, even briefly attempting to frame him for murder. The jokes are oddly spaced, the plot bounces all over the place, and the pacing is strange... possibly due to the fact that director Rene Clair had a background in avant-garde filmmaking. This movie's big contribution it was one of the bases for the TV series "Bewitched." In this movie, the witches are portrayed as very much inhuman. This is reinforced by the husband's reaction when he learns the truth -- first refusing to believe that witches exist, then worrying about what would happen if the secret ever got out. Again, this is similar to "Bewitched."
THE BELL, THE BOOK AND THE CANDLE: (1958) This one is a romantic comedy starring Jimmy Stewart. A witch, played by Kim Novak casts a love spell on Jimmy Stewart purely to spite his fiancé, who is an old enemy, but in the process, finds herself falling in love for real. There is also a subplot about Jack Lemon attempting to publish a book about modern witchcraft for the general public. There are some cliché elements regarding the inhumanity of witches. In the mythology of this movie, witches cannot fall in love without risking losing their powers. One thing about the movie which I do find very accurate is that there is no one "official" version of witchcraft. In this movie, witches have a very loose subculture of various occult practitioners (astrology, theosophy, herbology, etc.) all learning from one another. A researcher claims to know all there is to know, quoting a lot of medieval folklore (such as witches float in water), but Jack Lemon quickly comments how he has it "all wrong." To the movie's credit, it doesn't bother to exposit on what the "right" lore is.
BEDKNOBS AND BROOMSTICKS: (1971) A Disney movie combining live action with animation about a real witch, a fake witch and some children who use magick to fight off the Nazis. The witch in this story, played by Angela Lansbury, flies on a broom, but other than that, is a pretty good portrayal of a witch, in that she is an otherwise ordinary person, but is learning to use witchcraft through study and some trial and error. She has a natural talent which allows her to work spells that wouldn't work for other people. It's a good kids' movie, and how often do you get to use the words "Disney" and "Nazis" in the same sentence?
THE TROUBLE WITH MISS SWITCH: (1980) A made-for-TV animated children's special about a substitute teacher who is secretly a witch. In this, and it's 1982 sequel, "Miss Switch to the Rescue," follows the fairly common tradition of witches as otherworldly beings, as well as the wicked witch who threatens the good witches. Miss Switch does have the pointed hat and broom, but fortunately, does not appear green, ugly or wart-covered. Also, she has a very strict and proper style about her -- a huge departure from the medieval "debaucherous" concept of a witch.
HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH: (1982) This movie confused a lot of people, because it was not a sequel to "Halloween" or "Halloween II," but later Halloween movies continued the Michael Myers saga from the first two movies. It is also the only movie to deal with witchcraft. (So let's just ignore the first half of the title, because everyone else does.) The plot is about a modern-day Irish Druid who wants to sacrifice children (using deadly Halloween masks) to the Pagan gods on the night of Samhain. Fortunately, this doesn't attempt to represent any established neo-Pagan sects, but rather an individual attempting to restore Halloween to its Pagan origins. I applaud this movie for not trying to make up a mythology, but instead having some real facts about the origins of Halloween. (Granted, there is still a great deal not known about the Druids of ancient times, and most of what we do know about them comes from outside sources, such as the Romans.)
THE WORST WITCH: (1986) A low-budget and overly cliché made-for-TV children's story about a witch school. Fairuza Balk (again) plays a very poor student who gets picked on, but in the end, defeats a group of wicked witches. It's stupid, but it's fun. So what's the real payoff? Why is this movie so popular? Two words: Tim Curry! I mean, let's face it. Time Curry makes anything awesome.
THE WITCHES OF EASTWICK: (1987) Three small-town women (Cher, Susan Sarandon and Michelle Pfeiffer) discover they have natural powers, and use them to summon their ideal man, Jack Nicholson (as his absolute most Jack Nicholson-est). After a series of misfortunes, the witches realize that Jack is the devil (or some sort of demon or evil sorcerer... it isn't really explained) and use their newfound powers to banish him. This movie doesn't get into what exactly a "witch" is, aside from having powers, which gives it a very universal quality. The only spell that is specifically explained is the use of a poppet, which is done accurately.
DRAGNET: (1987) While not a movie about witchcraft per se, it does include Pagans. Here, "Pagan" is an acronym for "People Against Normality And Goodness." The movie is basically making fun of the stiffness of the original TV series, playing the hero (Dan Aykroyd) as the old-fashioned by-the-book traditionalist. Still, in a realistic context, there are and always will be posers who consider themselves occult just for the excuse of being nonconformist.
ELVIRA, MISTRESS OF THE DARK: (1988) Anyone who grew up in the 80s knows Elvira from her Movie Macabre as well as her numerous TV appearances. In this movie, Elvira plays "herself," discovering that she is the sole heir to a witches spellbook, and in the process, finds herself stuck in a small suburban town with exaggeratedly religious conservative people. The movie is both an homage to classic horror and an excuse for a lot of tit jokes. Elvira returned in 2001 for "Elvira's Haunted Hills," a parody of Roger Coreman's movie series on Edgar Allen Poe. It's never made clear if this is a sequel, prequel or a completely unrelated story with the same character.
TEEN WITCH: (1989) No, not the Wiccan instructional book by Silver Ravenwolf. Teen Witch was a pathetic attempt to do a female version of the already popular 1985 movie "Teen Wolf." It's the exact same story, except that instead of a werewolf winning the big basketball game, it's a witch winning over the hot guy... and there's rapping. Aside from just being a really stupid movie, the portrayal of witches doesn't fall into the mythological or the modern categories. She doesn't need to study or learn spells. She just suddenly has godlike powers.
WARLOCK: (1989) Another throwback to the medieval lore. A witch-hunter from the middle ages returns to stop a warlock from finding a book which can unmake the universe. The 1993 sequel "Warlock the Armageddon," focused on modern Druids. Unlike "witch" movies, the Druids are a specific sect, so I put a little more pressure on them to be authentic. In this story, the Druids are an order to prevent Satan from being unleashed onto the world, by keeping several sacred runestones safe. Eh, close enough.
THE WITCHES: (1990) This is a throwback to the fairy tale witch -- old, ugly and out to steal all the children. Their evil plans are thwarted by a boy who has been turned into a mouse. Many movie adaptations of Roald Dahl's books (Matilda, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, James and the Giant Peach) are fun for all ages, but "The Witches" is clearly just intended to be a mindless children's story.
THE ADDAMS FAMILY: (1991) This movie, and its 1993 sequel, "Addams Family Values," are based on the 1964-1966 TV series, which were in turn, based on a series of New Yorker cartoons. Originally, the concept was to juxtapose classic horror characters with modern suburban society. The TV series was groundbreaking for its time (probably unintentionally) by breaking all sit-com clichés, and instead showing a psychologically normal and healthy family, who just happen to appear macabre and ghoulish and practice the occult. The subtext (and sometimes plain text) of the show was about accepting people's differences. The movies seemed to be going more for nostalgia factor as well as an indictment of superficial upper-class conformists. One of the things I love about this movie is the way that individualism and occultism are treated as common everyday things by the Addams, and if anyone doesn't like it, it's their problem.
HOCUS-POCUS: (1993) This is a return to the fairy-tale witch who is inhuman and captures children. Three witches (Bette Midler, Kathy Najimy and Sarah Jessica Parker) are brought back to life on Halloween. Despite the old tired gag of people from the past being confused by modern technology, the movie is fun. One of the major witch clichés in this movie is that it feels the need to "explain" why witches are present in the modern world, in this case, having been killed in the 17th century, but with an old curse that can bring them back to life. (At least "The Witches" explained present-day witches as simply not being apparent.)
THE CRAFT: (1996) Three teenagers dabble in witchcraft, but their power increases tremendously when they are joined by a fourth "natural" witch, played by Robin Tunney. The other three (played by Neve Campbell, Rachel True and guess who... Fairuza Balk) become corrupted with power, misuse their witchcraft, and learn a harsh lesson. All-in-all, a very good story. Where this movie really shines, however, is in it's accurate portrayal of modern witchcraft, using specifically Wiccan rituals, but never explicitly stating that this is intended as an accurate portrayal of Wicca (or even saying the word "Wicca" at any point in the movie). This is probably my favorite witch movie. I should also point out that "The Craft" was the inspiration for the 1998-2006 TV series "Charmed" (even using a song used in the movie as the opening credits theme). While I absolutely love "Charmed," the portrayal of witches is much more in line with medieval mysticism and demonology. Ironic that a TV series which portrays Wicca without calling itself "Wicca," now has the Halliwell sisters explicitly calling themselves "Wiccan," but except for a handfasting ritual in one episode, there is nothing Wicca-related in the entire series. Their practices have much more in common with Rose Cross or Golden Dawn or variants or even Santeria.
CASPER MEETS WENDY: (1998) Didn't see it.
PRACTICAL MAGIC: (1998) A romantic comedy with a few horror elements. Two sisters (Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman) look for love, exorcise an evil spirit, and seek to gain acceptance in the community. I love this movie. The portrayal of witches is a pretty accurate fam-trad, acknowledging the variety of witchcraft practices in the community.
HALLOWEENTOWN: (1998) You know those annoyingly colorful and happy Halloween decorations you seen on the homes of families with very young children? Imagine a whole movie like that. The characters are cartoonish, and the entire mythology of witches, vampires, werewolves, fairies, etc. all seem to have been reverse-engineered from children's costumes. Basically, an evil force has been taking over the town, and the only way to break the curse is for a group of children to light the magic jack-o-lantern. It's pretty stupid.
THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT: (1999) Even if you haven't seen it, you pretty much know that it's a lot of running with a shaky hand camera, following a "witch" who is really just a local urban legend. It's trying to be another "Final Broadcast," but without the analysis to make it interesting. The "witch" is never even seen. It's basically a novelty that might have worked better as a short film than a feature. The 2000 sequel, "Book of Shadows, Blair Witch II," is more like a real movie, but has its share of what-the-fuck-is-going-on problems. One of the characters in this movie is explicitly Wiccan, and this is my main pet peeve with this movie. The Wiccan character is a little TOO accurate. She's the typical self-important, uneducated, ill-informed, ultra-liberal, anti-establishment, preachy, blame-the-Christians-for-everything, fluffy bunny. Unlike "The Craft," however, the young and inexperienced Wiccan isn't corrected. Instead, she's just one of the victims of whatever-is-going-on. The movie puts forth the worst example of a Wiccan, but framed as if this were the BEST example. It's unintentionally insulting.
HARRY POTTER MOVIES: (2001-2011) This series is about a young boy (Daniel Radcliff) who finds out he is a wizard. (I have to wonder, if he wears a pointed hat and rides a broom, why not just call him a "witch?") He grows up at Hogwarts, facing the evil forces of Voldemort. It's a cool adventure story with coming-of-age elements, and my only real criticism of the series is that it's a little too long and drawn out for my tastes. There's nothing to say about accurate portrayals, because it doesn't pretend to be anything more than a fantasy.
BEWITCHED: (2005) This movie starring Will Ferrel and Nicole Kidman (again?) is mostly a parody of the original 1964-1972 TV series starring Elizabeth Montgomery. The original TV series cemented the term "warlock" for male witches in the public consciousness (much to my chagrin), and like "Teen Witch" portrayed witches as being almost omnipotent. (This carried over into the 1977-1978 spinoff series "Tabitha.") Still, this was a good portrayal of witchcraft in a positive light, and the movie adaptation had a strong nostalgia factor for the original series (despite Will Ferrel's scenery-chewing).
THE BROTHERS GRIMM: (2005) The Brothers Grimm were cultural historians who compiled local legends of witches and monsters. In this adaptation, they're a couple of con artists who pass themselves off as witch-hunters, but meet their match when they encounter a real witch, who embodies a combination of several Grimm tales. The movie is an innovative update to the old legends.
CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE: (2005) This is a difficult movie to classify. The story of four children who walk through a wardrobe into a magical realm is intended as a metaphor for the story of Jesus Christ, in which the lion Aslan represents Jesus and the White Witch represents Satan. As far as storytelling goes, the rules are pointlessly complicated and the character motives make little to no sense, at least, without the events in the story having a religious context. Basically, I need the Jesus story in order to clarify the Narnia story. As for the witch, she is exactly what one would expect from a Christian traditionalist interpretation of Satan -- corrupting people for its own sake, and then punishing them for it later, being both the instigator and the prosecutor. I don't think this is necessarily intended to be an indictment of witchcraft as evil (or especially of "white" witchcraft), but rather using the familiar image of a witch as the villain of a children's story. I don't think the writers even considered that witches exist anywhere outside of fairy tales. As for the sequels, I haven't seen them.
STARDUST: (2007) This movie has all the style and imagination you would expect from a Neil Gaiman story. A young man finds love in a fallen star (Claire Danes) after entering a strange land. In two overlapping subplots, a group of heirs to the throne fight amongst each other over a necklace in the star's possession, and a group of witches attempt to steal the star's heart to regain their youth. The main witch in this movie, played by Michelle Pfeiffer (once again), changes between a young and beautiful sorceress and a wicked old crone, reminiscent of the evil queen from Snow White.
DARK SHADOWS: (2012) Based on the 1966-1971 TV series, and adapted by Tim Burton, this is the story of a vampire played by Johnny Depp (because, as I said, it's a Tim Burton movie), who was cursed by a witch. Unlike the original series (as well as the 1991 reboot), which took itself very seriously, the 2012 movie is played mostly for laughs. Many critics have called this Tim Burton's worst movie, but I like it. The witch in this movie is a jilted lover who learned the art of witchcraft purely for revenge and personal gain. Johnny Depp also studies the occult in order to protect himself and his family. Here, witchcraft is seen as being simply a tool which can be used for good or ill, which is very accurate. The witch becomes inhuman, for the most part, but this is apparently only an after-effect of her immortality spell.
Those are about all the ones that I've been thinking about recently. I'm sure there will be more to follow.
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Sunday, September 8, 2013
History in the Form of Song Lyrics
HISTORY IN THE FORM OF SONG LYRICS:
Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state. Then nearly fourteen billion years ago, expansion started. Wait. (Barenaked Ladies)
I'm comin' out, so you better get this party started. (Pink)
Cloudy. My thoughts are scattered and they're cloudy. They have no borders, no boundaries. (Simon & Garfunkel)
Starry starry night, paint your palette blue and gray. (Don McLean)
And superstars get sucked into the supermassive. (Muse)
Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars. It's a hundred thousand light years side to side. It bulges in the middle sixteen thousand light years thick, but out by us, it's just three thousand light years wide. (Eric Idle)
Someday you will find me caught beneath the landslide, in a champagne supernova in the sky. (Oasis)
All we are is dust in the wind. Everything is dust in the wind. (Kansas)
Here comes the sun. Here comes the sun, and I say it's all right. (The Beatles)
Ooh, hot lava. Ooh, hot lava. (The B-52s)
I've seen a bad moon rising. (Creedence Clearwater)
Here comes the rain again, falling on my head like a tragedy. (Eurythmics)
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone. (Johnny Nash)
I'm alive, and the world shines for me today. I'm alive. Suddenly, I am here today. (Electric Light Orchestra)
I got bugs. I got bugs in my room. (Pearl Jam)
Fish heads, fish heads, rolly-polly fish heads. Fish heads, fish heads. Eat them up. Yum. (Barnes and Barnes)
She's got legs, and she knows how to use 'em. (ZZ Top)
Open the door. Get on the floor. Everybody walk the dinosaur. Open the door. Get on the floor. Everybody walk the dinosaur. (Was Was Not)
It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine. (REM)
Ice, ice, baby. Ice, ice baby. (Vanilla Ice)
You and me, baby, ain't nothin' but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel. (The Bloodhound Gang)
Welcome to the jungle. We got fun and games. (Guns'N'Roses)
Hey, hey, we're the Monkees, and people say we monkey around. (The Monkees)
So, stand in the place where you are. (REM)
It's rainin' men. Hallelujah, it's rainin' men. (The Weather Girls)
Come on, baby, light my fire. (The Doors)
If I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning. (Peter Paul and Mary)
Flintstones. Meet the Flintstones. (Flintstones)
I'm a traveling man, who's made a lot of stops all over the world. (Rick Nelson)
North to Alaska. (Johnny Horton)
Old MacDonald had a farm, ee ie ee ie oh. (Traditional)
What goes up must come down. Spinnin' wheel got to go round. (Blood, Sweat and Tears)
Stonehenge! Where the demons dwell, where the banshees live and they do live well. Stonehenge! Where a man's a man, and the children dance to the Pipes of Pan. (Spinal Tap)
Walk like an Egyptian. Walk like an Egyptian. (The Bangles)
We're the Mesopotamians. Sargon, Hammurabi, Ashurbanipal, and Gilgamesh. (They Might Be Giants)
Born in Arizona, moved to Babylonia, King Tut. (Steve Martin)
You came in through the door like a Trojan Horse. You came onto the floor like a Trojan Horse. (Luv)
I am iron man. (Black Sabbath)
The Lord, by Moses, to Pharaoh, said, oh, let my people go. If not, I'll smite your first-born dead. Oh, let my people go. (Traditional)
Caesar never got them back, 'cause they killed his ass in the second act. Brutus spoke, then Anthony said, 'My girlfriend's cat is smarter than me. Friends, Romans, can't you see? My girlfriend's cat is smarter than me.' (Spin Doctors)
Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ. Who are you? What have you sacrificed? Jesus Christ. Superstar. Do you think you're what they say you are? (Jesus Christ Superstar)
Sharia don't like it. Rock the Casbah. Rock the Casbah. By order of the Prophet, we ban that boogie sound. Degenerate the faithful with that crazy Casbah sound. (The Clash)
Hell awaits behind Gaul's gates. The Roman's stand only to fall. They will die by his sword, the barbarian lord. Attila hears victory call. (Iced Earth)
Darkness imprisoning me. All that I see, absolute horror. (Metallica)
Myriad lights. They said I'd be impressed. Arabian nights, at your primitive best. (Siouxsie and the Banshees)
I come from the land of the ice and snow, from the midnight sun, where the hot springs flow. Hammer of the gods will drive our ships to new lands to fight the hoards that sing and cry 'Valhalla, I am coming.' (Led Zeppelin)
Christian sons with hearts of anger bring the book, the cross, the chancre. Hallelujah, hallelujah. Kiss the cross or they will burn ya. Hallelujah, hallelujah. They have come to rape and murder. (Inkubus Sukkubus)
The Inquisition. What a show. The Inquisition. Here we go. I know you're wishin' that we'd go away, but the Inquisition's here, and it's here to stay. (Mel Brooks)
Lion- Lionheart, defender of the faith. Lion- Lionheart, protector of the state. Lionheart. (Saxon)
Genghis Khan, he could not keep all his kings supplied with sleep. (Bob Dylan)
A place where nobody dared to go, the love that we came to know. They call it Xanadu. (Olivia Newton-John)
The bell tolls. The black plague has struck. Diseased eyes roll upwards, as if knowing which direction their souls will travel. (The Animals)
Take a look. It's in a book. A reading rainbow. (Reading Rainbow Theme)
A whole new world. A new fantastic point of view. No one to tell us no, or where to go, or say we're only dreaming. (Aladdin)
From the halls of Montezuma, to the shores of Tripoli. (Marines)
I'm Henry the Eighth, I am. Henry the Eight, I am, I am. (Herman's Hermits)
Well, to be or not to be? To be or not to be? Am gonna have you for me?
I call on the resting soul of Galileo, king of night-vision, king of insight. (Indigo Girls)
Living in America. I live in America. (James Brown)
We're not gonna take it. No, we ain't gonna take it. We're not gonna take it anymore. (Twisted Sister)
We fired our guns and the British kept a'comin'. There wasn't nigh as many as there was a while ago. We fired once more, and they begin to runnin' down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico. (Johnny Horton)
Fifteen men on a dead man's chest. Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum. (Traditional)
My, my, at Waterloo, Napoleon did surrender. (Abba)
I don't need your civil war. It feeds the rich while it buries the poor. (Guns'N'Roses)
It's such a change for us to live so independently. Freedom, you see, has got our hearts singing so joyfully. Just look about. You owe it to yourself to check it out. Can't you feel a brand new day? Can't you feel a brand new day? (The Wiz)
I've been workin' on the railroad all the live-long day. (Traditional)
Then from dawn till setting sun, he practiced with that deadly gun, and hour on hour I watched in awe. No human being could match the draw of Ringo. (Lorne Greene)
In the factories and mills, in the shipyards and mines, we've often been told to keep up with the times. For our skills are not needed. They've streamlined the job, and with sliderule and stopwatch our pride they have robbed. (Dropkick Murphys)
We gonna rock down to electric avenue, and then we'll take you higher. (Eddie Grant)
Here in my car, I feel safest of all. I can lock all my doors. It's the only way to live, in cars. (Gary Numan)
I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky. (R. Kelly)
Hooray for Hollywood! That screwy ballyhooey Hollywood. (Doris Day)
She blinded me with science. She blinded me with science. (Thomas Dolby)
War, huh, good god, y'all! What is it good for? Absolutely nothin'. (Edwin Starr)
We've been spending most our lives living in a gangster's paradise. (Coolio)
I ain't got no money, but I sure got a whole lotta love. (Bob Seger)
It's springtime for Hitler and Germany. Winter for Poland and France. (Mel Brooks)
Atomic, oh atomic. (Blondie)
Back in the US- back in the US- back in the USSR. (The Beatles)
Living in the plastic age. Plastic age. (The Buggles)
Video killed the radio star. Video killed the radio star. (The Buggles)
Hemingway, Eichmann, Stranger in a Strange Land, Dylan, Berlin, Bay of Pigs invasion, Lawrence of Arabia, British Beatlemania, Ole Miss, John Glenn, Liston beats Patterson, Pope Paul, Malcolm X, British Politician sex, J.F.K. blown away, what else do I have to say! (Billy Joel)
And it's one, two, three, what are we fightin' for? Don't ask me. I don't give a damn. Next stop is Vietnam. (Country Joe and the Fish)
By the time we got to Woodstock, we were half a million strong. (Joni Mitchell)
Fly me to the moon, and let me play among the stars. Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars. (Frank Sinatra)
Don't turn around, uh-oh. Der Kommissar's in town, uh-oh. (After the Fire)
I want my... I want my... I want my MTV. (Dire Straits)
Tear down the wall! Tear down the wall! (Pink Floyd)
What ya wanna do? Wanna be hackers? Code-crackers? Slackers? Wastin' time with all the chat room yackers? Nine-to-five, chillin' at Hewlett-Packard? (Weird Al Yankovic)
It's early fall. There's a cloud in the New York skyline. Innocence dragged across a yellow line. (U2)
Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now, it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday. (The Beatles)
Right now, hey, it's your tomorrow. Right now, come on, it's everything. Right now, catch a magic moment, do it, right here and now. (Van Halen)
Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow. You're only a day away. (Annie)
Things are goin' great, and it's only gettin' better. I'm doin' all right, and gettin' good grades. The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades. I gotta wear shades. (Timbuk 3)
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto. Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto. (Styx)
Star Trekkin' across the universe, on the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk. (The Firm)
We're hoppin' star to star through the galaxy. We're flyin' high. Let the world pass us by from here to eternity. To eternity. (Brian Setzer Orchestra)
Black hole sun, won't you come and wash away the rain. Black hole sun, black hole sun, won't you come. (Soundgarden)
This is the end, my only friend, the end. (The Doors)
Let's do the time warp again! (Richard O'Brien)
You go back, Jack, do it again. Wheel's goin' round and round. You go back, Jack, do it again. (Steely Dan)
And it all started with a big bang. (Barenaked Ladies)
Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state. Then nearly fourteen billion years ago, expansion started. Wait. (Barenaked Ladies)
I'm comin' out, so you better get this party started. (Pink)
Cloudy. My thoughts are scattered and they're cloudy. They have no borders, no boundaries. (Simon & Garfunkel)
Starry starry night, paint your palette blue and gray. (Don McLean)
And superstars get sucked into the supermassive. (Muse)
Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars. It's a hundred thousand light years side to side. It bulges in the middle sixteen thousand light years thick, but out by us, it's just three thousand light years wide. (Eric Idle)
Someday you will find me caught beneath the landslide, in a champagne supernova in the sky. (Oasis)
All we are is dust in the wind. Everything is dust in the wind. (Kansas)
Here comes the sun. Here comes the sun, and I say it's all right. (The Beatles)
Ooh, hot lava. Ooh, hot lava. (The B-52s)
I've seen a bad moon rising. (Creedence Clearwater)
Here comes the rain again, falling on my head like a tragedy. (Eurythmics)
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone. (Johnny Nash)
I'm alive, and the world shines for me today. I'm alive. Suddenly, I am here today. (Electric Light Orchestra)
I got bugs. I got bugs in my room. (Pearl Jam)
Fish heads, fish heads, rolly-polly fish heads. Fish heads, fish heads. Eat them up. Yum. (Barnes and Barnes)
She's got legs, and she knows how to use 'em. (ZZ Top)
Open the door. Get on the floor. Everybody walk the dinosaur. Open the door. Get on the floor. Everybody walk the dinosaur. (Was Was Not)
It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine. (REM)
Ice, ice, baby. Ice, ice baby. (Vanilla Ice)
You and me, baby, ain't nothin' but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel. (The Bloodhound Gang)
Welcome to the jungle. We got fun and games. (Guns'N'Roses)
Hey, hey, we're the Monkees, and people say we monkey around. (The Monkees)
So, stand in the place where you are. (REM)
It's rainin' men. Hallelujah, it's rainin' men. (The Weather Girls)
Come on, baby, light my fire. (The Doors)
If I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning. (Peter Paul and Mary)
Flintstones. Meet the Flintstones. (Flintstones)
I'm a traveling man, who's made a lot of stops all over the world. (Rick Nelson)
North to Alaska. (Johnny Horton)
Old MacDonald had a farm, ee ie ee ie oh. (Traditional)
What goes up must come down. Spinnin' wheel got to go round. (Blood, Sweat and Tears)
Stonehenge! Where the demons dwell, where the banshees live and they do live well. Stonehenge! Where a man's a man, and the children dance to the Pipes of Pan. (Spinal Tap)
Walk like an Egyptian. Walk like an Egyptian. (The Bangles)
We're the Mesopotamians. Sargon, Hammurabi, Ashurbanipal, and Gilgamesh. (They Might Be Giants)
Born in Arizona, moved to Babylonia, King Tut. (Steve Martin)
You came in through the door like a Trojan Horse. You came onto the floor like a Trojan Horse. (Luv)
I am iron man. (Black Sabbath)
The Lord, by Moses, to Pharaoh, said, oh, let my people go. If not, I'll smite your first-born dead. Oh, let my people go. (Traditional)
Waiting for a sign to turn blood into wine. The sweet taste in your mouth turned bitter in its glass. Israel. In Israel. Israel. In Israel. (Siouxsie and the Banshees)
Smile on, little Buddha, smile on. (Toad the Wet Sprocket)
Near to the east, in a part of ancient Greece, in an ancient land called Macedonia, was born a son to Phillip of Macedon, the legend, his name was Alexander. (Iron Maiden)Smile on, little Buddha, smile on. (Toad the Wet Sprocket)
Caesar never got them back, 'cause they killed his ass in the second act. Brutus spoke, then Anthony said, 'My girlfriend's cat is smarter than me. Friends, Romans, can't you see? My girlfriend's cat is smarter than me.' (Spin Doctors)
Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ. Who are you? What have you sacrificed? Jesus Christ. Superstar. Do you think you're what they say you are? (Jesus Christ Superstar)
Sharia don't like it. Rock the Casbah. Rock the Casbah. By order of the Prophet, we ban that boogie sound. Degenerate the faithful with that crazy Casbah sound. (The Clash)
Hell awaits behind Gaul's gates. The Roman's stand only to fall. They will die by his sword, the barbarian lord. Attila hears victory call. (Iced Earth)
Darkness imprisoning me. All that I see, absolute horror. (Metallica)
Myriad lights. They said I'd be impressed. Arabian nights, at your primitive best. (Siouxsie and the Banshees)
I come from the land of the ice and snow, from the midnight sun, where the hot springs flow. Hammer of the gods will drive our ships to new lands to fight the hoards that sing and cry 'Valhalla, I am coming.' (Led Zeppelin)
Christian sons with hearts of anger bring the book, the cross, the chancre. Hallelujah, hallelujah. Kiss the cross or they will burn ya. Hallelujah, hallelujah. They have come to rape and murder. (Inkubus Sukkubus)
The Inquisition. What a show. The Inquisition. Here we go. I know you're wishin' that we'd go away, but the Inquisition's here, and it's here to stay. (Mel Brooks)
Lion- Lionheart, defender of the faith. Lion- Lionheart, protector of the state. Lionheart. (Saxon)
Genghis Khan, he could not keep all his kings supplied with sleep. (Bob Dylan)
A place where nobody dared to go, the love that we came to know. They call it Xanadu. (Olivia Newton-John)
The bell tolls. The black plague has struck. Diseased eyes roll upwards, as if knowing which direction their souls will travel. (The Animals)
Take a look. It's in a book. A reading rainbow. (Reading Rainbow Theme)
A whole new world. A new fantastic point of view. No one to tell us no, or where to go, or say we're only dreaming. (Aladdin)
From the halls of Montezuma, to the shores of Tripoli. (Marines)
I'm Henry the Eighth, I am. Henry the Eight, I am, I am. (Herman's Hermits)
Well, to be or not to be? To be or not to be? Am gonna have you for me?
I call on the resting soul of Galileo, king of night-vision, king of insight. (Indigo Girls)
Living in America. I live in America. (James Brown)
We're not gonna take it. No, we ain't gonna take it. We're not gonna take it anymore. (Twisted Sister)
We fired our guns and the British kept a'comin'. There wasn't nigh as many as there was a while ago. We fired once more, and they begin to runnin' down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico. (Johnny Horton)
Fifteen men on a dead man's chest. Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum. (Traditional)
My, my, at Waterloo, Napoleon did surrender. (Abba)
I don't need your civil war. It feeds the rich while it buries the poor. (Guns'N'Roses)
It's such a change for us to live so independently. Freedom, you see, has got our hearts singing so joyfully. Just look about. You owe it to yourself to check it out. Can't you feel a brand new day? Can't you feel a brand new day? (The Wiz)
I've been workin' on the railroad all the live-long day. (Traditional)
Then from dawn till setting sun, he practiced with that deadly gun, and hour on hour I watched in awe. No human being could match the draw of Ringo. (Lorne Greene)
In the factories and mills, in the shipyards and mines, we've often been told to keep up with the times. For our skills are not needed. They've streamlined the job, and with sliderule and stopwatch our pride they have robbed. (Dropkick Murphys)
We gonna rock down to electric avenue, and then we'll take you higher. (Eddie Grant)
Here in my car, I feel safest of all. I can lock all my doors. It's the only way to live, in cars. (Gary Numan)
I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky. (R. Kelly)
Hooray for Hollywood! That screwy ballyhooey Hollywood. (Doris Day)
She blinded me with science. She blinded me with science. (Thomas Dolby)
War, huh, good god, y'all! What is it good for? Absolutely nothin'. (Edwin Starr)
We've been spending most our lives living in a gangster's paradise. (Coolio)
I ain't got no money, but I sure got a whole lotta love. (Bob Seger)
It's springtime for Hitler and Germany. Winter for Poland and France. (Mel Brooks)
Atomic, oh atomic. (Blondie)
Back in the US- back in the US- back in the USSR. (The Beatles)
Living in the plastic age. Plastic age. (The Buggles)
Video killed the radio star. Video killed the radio star. (The Buggles)
Hemingway, Eichmann, Stranger in a Strange Land, Dylan, Berlin, Bay of Pigs invasion, Lawrence of Arabia, British Beatlemania, Ole Miss, John Glenn, Liston beats Patterson, Pope Paul, Malcolm X, British Politician sex, J.F.K. blown away, what else do I have to say! (Billy Joel)
And it's one, two, three, what are we fightin' for? Don't ask me. I don't give a damn. Next stop is Vietnam. (Country Joe and the Fish)
By the time we got to Woodstock, we were half a million strong. (Joni Mitchell)
Fly me to the moon, and let me play among the stars. Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars. (Frank Sinatra)
Don't turn around, uh-oh. Der Kommissar's in town, uh-oh. (After the Fire)
I want my... I want my... I want my MTV. (Dire Straits)
Tear down the wall! Tear down the wall! (Pink Floyd)
What ya wanna do? Wanna be hackers? Code-crackers? Slackers? Wastin' time with all the chat room yackers? Nine-to-five, chillin' at Hewlett-Packard? (Weird Al Yankovic)
It's early fall. There's a cloud in the New York skyline. Innocence dragged across a yellow line. (U2)
Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now, it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday. (The Beatles)
Right now, hey, it's your tomorrow. Right now, come on, it's everything. Right now, catch a magic moment, do it, right here and now. (Van Halen)
Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow. You're only a day away. (Annie)
Things are goin' great, and it's only gettin' better. I'm doin' all right, and gettin' good grades. The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades. I gotta wear shades. (Timbuk 3)
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto. Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto. (Styx)
Star Trekkin' across the universe, on the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk. (The Firm)
We're hoppin' star to star through the galaxy. We're flyin' high. Let the world pass us by from here to eternity. To eternity. (Brian Setzer Orchestra)
Black hole sun, won't you come and wash away the rain. Black hole sun, black hole sun, won't you come. (Soundgarden)
This is the end, my only friend, the end. (The Doors)
Let's do the time warp again! (Richard O'Brien)
You go back, Jack, do it again. Wheel's goin' round and round. You go back, Jack, do it again. (Steely Dan)
And it all started with a big bang. (Barenaked Ladies)
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Pantheon of American Gods
Here's a try at a pantheon of American "gods" based on historic or public figures who completely embody some vital force in the public consciousness. In order to qualify, each "god" must be immediately identifiable with the concept he embodies, to the point where the mention of his name can be used as a metaphor for that particular vital force. The historic or public figure must have a quality (at least as perceived by the zeitgeist) which transcends mortal stature. Also, in order to be a truly "American" pantheon, each must be either American or have significantly affected American history.
FATHER OF THE GODS................................................GEORGE WASHINGTON
MONSTER AT THE BEGINNING OF TIME...................KING GEORGE III
MOTHER / HOME / HEARTH GODDESS......................ELEANOR ROOSEVELT
GOD OF WISDOM..........................................................ALBERT EINSTEIN
GOD OF MISCHIEF........................................................ANDY KAUFMAN
GOD OF WAR.................................................................GEORGE PATTON
GODDESS OF LOVE AND BEAUTY.............................MARYLIN MONROE
GOD OF PEACE..............................................................MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.
GOD OF AGRICULTURE................................................JOHNNY APPLESEED
GOD OF WILD BEASTS................................................TEDDY ROOSEVELT
GOD OF WEALTH.........................................................JOHN D. ROCKEFELLER
GOD OF JUSTICE AND VENGANCE...........................WYATT EARP
GOD OF THUNDER AND LIGHTNING........................BEN FRANKLIN
GOD OF CHILDREN AND DREAMS............................WALT DISNEY
GOD OF MOCKERY......................................................LENNY BRUCE
GODDESS OF DISEASE...............................................TYPHOID MARY
GOD OF DEATH............................................................JACK KEVORKIAN
MUSE OF COMEDY.......................................................MARK TWAIN
MUSE OF TRAGEDY.....................................................EDGAR ALLEN POE
MUSE OF DANCE..........................................................MICHAEL JACKSON
MESSENGER OF THE GODS.......................................WALTER KRONKITE
DEMIGOD WARRIOR....................................................CHUCK NORRIS
DEVIL.............................................................................ADOLF HITLER
I consider this a "starter" set. I may think of more.
FATHER OF THE GODS................................................GEORGE WASHINGTON
MONSTER AT THE BEGINNING OF TIME...................KING GEORGE III
MOTHER / HOME / HEARTH GODDESS......................ELEANOR ROOSEVELT
GOD OF WISDOM..........................................................ALBERT EINSTEIN
GOD OF MISCHIEF........................................................ANDY KAUFMAN
GOD OF WAR.................................................................GEORGE PATTON
GODDESS OF LOVE AND BEAUTY.............................MARYLIN MONROE
GOD OF PEACE..............................................................MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.
GOD OF AGRICULTURE................................................JOHNNY APPLESEED
GOD OF WILD BEASTS................................................TEDDY ROOSEVELT
GOD OF WEALTH.........................................................JOHN D. ROCKEFELLER
GOD OF JUSTICE AND VENGANCE...........................WYATT EARP
GOD OF THUNDER AND LIGHTNING........................BEN FRANKLIN
GOD OF CHILDREN AND DREAMS............................WALT DISNEY
GOD OF MOCKERY......................................................LENNY BRUCE
GODDESS OF DISEASE...............................................TYPHOID MARY
GOD OF DEATH............................................................JACK KEVORKIAN
MUSE OF COMEDY.......................................................MARK TWAIN
MUSE OF TRAGEDY.....................................................EDGAR ALLEN POE
MUSE OF DANCE..........................................................MICHAEL JACKSON
MESSENGER OF THE GODS.......................................WALTER KRONKITE
DEMIGOD WARRIOR....................................................CHUCK NORRIS
DEVIL.............................................................................ADOLF HITLER
I consider this a "starter" set. I may think of more.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Is There A God?
Is there a God (or gods)? I have heard so many arguments from both sides, and most of the arguments I've heard attempting to either "prove" or "disprove" god(s) have just been stupid and oversimplified. So, to answer ALL of them at once, I made a five-and-a-half-hour-long video series discussing them. You can watch the entire series:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4DHxqV6_Ok&list=PLRc3e3NwfnHnR-ZceMrlAGoIWVWdWN6w3
Or, you can just skip to a specific argument you want to hear discussed:
ARGUMENTS FOR THE EXISTENCE OF GOD:
The brain cannot produce absolute truth without God:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=15m16s
Gödel's Ontological Proof of God:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=18m49s
The Higgs-Boson proves the existence of God:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=25m16s
The teachings of the Bible:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=31m14s
Where do we go when we die?:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=43m27s
Faith-based charities (referenced):
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=51m18s
God must exist to form an argument against him:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=53m43s
Signs of the End Times are in the news today:
http://youtu.be/9HDhJ14RHDk?t=33s
Atheists suffer more than believers do:
http://youtu.be/6kCt6LNZg54?t=4m54s
God has helped people through difficult times:
http://youtu.be/6kCt6LNZg54?t=4m54s
Near death experiences / out-of-body experiences:
http://youtu.be/6kCt6LNZg54?t=6m39s
Atheism is a type of faith:
http://youtu.be/6kCt6LNZg54?t=13m54s
Without God, there can be no morality:
http://youtu.be/6kCt6LNZg54?t=33m20s
Visions, signs and miracles:
http://youtu.be/6kCt6LNZg54?t=41m24s
Ghost sightings:
http://youtu.be/6kCt6LNZg54?t=45m17s
A spiritual awaking is coming:
http://youtu.be/MqDKA4Cu8tU?t=1m7s
DNA shows intelligent design:
http://youtu.be/MqDKA4Cu8tU?t=2m40s
There must have been a first cause:
http://youtu.be/MqDKA4Cu8tU?t=12m7s
Evil is the absence of the goodness of God:
http://youtu.be/MqDKA4Cu8tU?t=13m42s
Sun goes up, sun goes down, tide comes in, tide goes out:
http://youtu.be/MqDKA4Cu8tU?t=18m33s
Messages from the spirit world received by mediums:
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=40s
Evolution is an illogical theory:
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=12m51s
How do we know the appendix does nothing?
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=16m27s
How did the Cambrian explosion happen?
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=17m22s
Evolution is only a theory, so why can't another theory be right?
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=19m6s
Where did the first amoeba come from?
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=20m29s
We didn't come from monkeys. We're not just animals.
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=21m55s
Evolution is only based on similarity in life forms.
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=24m33s
No one has ever seen evolution from one species into another.
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=26m25s
Evolution goes against the second law of thermodynamics.
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=27m34s
How can anyone explain the skeletons of giants?
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=27m34s
Charles Darwin even admitted that he had been wrong.
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=29m48s
If we came from apes, then why are apes still around?
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=31m29s
No one has ever seen a "missing link."
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=31m29s
Why are there so few so-called transitional fossils?
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=35m47s
Why haven't the oldest life formed changed?
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=37m26s
Where do extra chromosomes come from?
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=39m6s
Bananas!
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=40m26s
If even one gene is removed or changed, we would die instantly.
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=42m8s
Which came first? Heart to pump blood, or the blood without a heart?
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=43m28s
The eye is too complex to have happened all at once.
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=46m32s
Why assume there is no God before starting to figure out evolution?
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=48m29s
Why are modern lizards less complex than dinosaurs?
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=49m59s
Fruit fly experiments have failed to produce a new species.
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=51m39s
Where do asteroids come from?
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=52m44s
Human and dinosaur bones have been found in the same rock strata.
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=53m42s
The Piltdown Man was a fake.
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=57m48s
"Evil-lution."
http://youtu.be/l0-FC9X4QTE?t=36s
Saying that God does not exist is a reification fallacy:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=42s
People only become atheists because they're afraid of the truth:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=3m12s
I just have a "feeling" that there's a God:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=4m48s
If there are a finite number of things, there must be a greatest:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=5m28s
People see angels:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=10m2s
Pascal's Wager:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=16m6s
Liar, Lunatic, Lord:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=19m23s
Quantum mechanics prove God:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=24m41s
Demonic possessions and exorcisms:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=45m32s
Noah's Ark was discovered:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=46m59s
Science has never proven that God does not exist:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=51m56s
The conditions for life on Earth are too perfect to have occurred by chance:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=54m11s
Who wrote the Bible?
http://youtu.be/l0-FC9X4QTE?t=49s
The Koran predicted that the universe was expanding:
http://youtu.be/l0-FC9X4QTE?t=1m19s
The beauty of nature:
http://youtu.be/l0-FC9X4QTE?t=5m1s
USA is a Christian nation founded on Christian principles:
http://youtu.be/l0-FC9X4QTE?t=11m56s
Universal constants:
http://youtu.be/l0-FC9X4QTE?t=18m46s
ARGUMENTS AGAINST THE EXISTENCE OF GOD:
Religion created God to control people through fear:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=17m19s
Miracles can be explained scientifically:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=21m13s
The Higgs-Boson proves that the universe was created without God:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=25m16s
God cannot exist in a vacuum:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=27m10s
God could not predict holy wars:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=29m2s
The universe began with the Big Bang:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=32m30s
No one was around to create God:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=37m31s
Prayers go unanswered:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=39m28s
Atheists don't preach or try to convert people:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=41m5s
Religion causes violence:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=46m45s
Why hasn't God proven himself?:
http://youtu.be/9HDhJ14RHDk?t=4m33s
Bad things happen in nature (e.g. parasitic wasps):
http://youtu.be/9HDhJ14RHDk?t=9m53s
Everything that exists must be either matter or energy:
http://youtu.be/9HDhJ14RHDk?t=12m12s
An infinite God is impossible, and a finite god cannot be examined:
http://youtu.be/9HDhJ14RHDk?t=14m37s
Ancient "gods" were probably just visiting aliens:
http://youtu.be/9HDhJ14RHDk?t=16m59s
Believing in God is just stupid:
http://youtu.be/9HDhJ14RHDk?t=21m19s
God must know evil to be perfect:
http://youtu.be/9HDhJ14RHDk?t=22m25s
An all-knowing being would take away free will:
http://youtu.be/6kCt6LNZg54?t=39s
The Gospels weren't written until long after Jesus died:
http://youtu.be/6kCt6LNZg54?t=11m3s
The supernatural can be easily faked:
http://youtu.be/6kCt6LNZg54?t=17m34s
God doesn't do huge miracles anymore:
http://youtu.be/6kCt6LNZg54?t=19m43s
The Bible is full of mistakes:
http://youtu.be/6kCt6LNZg54?t=22m45s and http://youtu.be/l0-FC9X4QTE?t=20m34s
There is evil in the world:
http://youtu.be/6kCt6LNZg54?t=27m43s
The human body is badly designed:
http://youtu.be/6kCt6LNZg54?t=31m2s
Flying Spaghetti Monster (aka. Invisible Pink Unicorn or Russell's Teapot):
http://youtu.be/6kCt6LNZg54?t=38m41s
Could God create a rock so heavy that he can't lift it? // Why can't God control hell or the devil?
http://youtu.be/MqDKA4Cu8tU?t=4m21s
Omniscience contradicts consciousness (referenced):
http://youtu.be/MqDKA4Cu8tU?t=6m18s
Religion leads to bad political decisions (i.e. Republicans and other social conservatives):
http://youtu.be/MqDKA4Cu8tU?t=7m4s
Religion is bad for education:
http://youtu.be/MqDKA4Cu8tU?t=9m19s
Logical fallacies (e.g. "appeal to authority," "appeal to the masses," etc.):
http://youtu.be/MqDKA4Cu8tU?t=16m44s
Evolution:
http://youtu.be/MqDKA4Cu8tU?t=21m50s
God is not defined:
http://youtu.be/MqDKA4Cu8tU?t=29m7s
Atheists don't say there ISN'T a god, and everyone is agnostic:
http://youtu.be/MqDKA4Cu8tU?t=34m1s
Religions cannot agree on anything:
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=2m38s
The burden of proof is on the person making the positive claim, and great claims require great proof:
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=4m20s
There are no archeological remnants of the Hebrews wandering in the desert:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=7m38s
Morality changes over time:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=11m35s
Religion teaches hatred:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=13m5s
No one believes in the Pagan gods anymore:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=26m19s
A perfect being cannot have free will:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=30m40s
Jesus's miracles look like magicians tricks:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=31m44s
Documentary: "Jesus, The Man Who Wasn't There"
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=34m35s
Magic, miracles, ESP and other paranormal or supernatural phenomena are not repeatable:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=40m28s
Occam's Razor: The simplest explanation is usually the correct one:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=49m36s
Science has never proven that there is a god:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=51m56s
Religion is male-dominated:
http://youtu.be/l0-FC9X4QTE?t=2m36s
The Rapture didn't happen when it was supposed to:
http://youtu.be/l0-FC9X4QTE?t=5m22s
Cre-tard-ism:
http://youtu.be/l0-FC9X4QTE?t=7m49s
Why don't psychics win the lottery?:
http://youtu.be/l0-FC9X4QTE?t=8m6s
Brain damage causes memory loss and changes in behavior:
http://youtu.be/l0-FC9X4QTE?t=9m26s
USA is a secular nation. / Separation of church and state:
http://youtu.be/l0-FC9X4QTE?t=11m56s
Christianity caused the Dark Ages:
http://youtu.be/l0-FC9X4QTE?t=16m18s
CLOSING THOUGHTS:
http://youtu.be/l0-FC9X4QTE?t=23m39s
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4DHxqV6_Ok&list=PLRc3e3NwfnHnR-ZceMrlAGoIWVWdWN6w3
Or, you can just skip to a specific argument you want to hear discussed:
ARGUMENTS FOR THE EXISTENCE OF GOD:
The brain cannot produce absolute truth without God:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=15m16s
Gödel's Ontological Proof of God:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=18m49s
The Higgs-Boson proves the existence of God:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=25m16s
The teachings of the Bible:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=31m14s
Where do we go when we die?:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=43m27s
Faith-based charities (referenced):
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=51m18s
God must exist to form an argument against him:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=53m43s
Signs of the End Times are in the news today:
http://youtu.be/9HDhJ14RHDk?t=33s
Atheists suffer more than believers do:
http://youtu.be/6kCt6LNZg54?t=4m54s
God has helped people through difficult times:
http://youtu.be/6kCt6LNZg54?t=4m54s
Near death experiences / out-of-body experiences:
http://youtu.be/6kCt6LNZg54?t=6m39s
Atheism is a type of faith:
http://youtu.be/6kCt6LNZg54?t=13m54s
Without God, there can be no morality:
http://youtu.be/6kCt6LNZg54?t=33m20s
Visions, signs and miracles:
http://youtu.be/6kCt6LNZg54?t=41m24s
Ghost sightings:
http://youtu.be/6kCt6LNZg54?t=45m17s
A spiritual awaking is coming:
http://youtu.be/MqDKA4Cu8tU?t=1m7s
DNA shows intelligent design:
http://youtu.be/MqDKA4Cu8tU?t=2m40s
There must have been a first cause:
http://youtu.be/MqDKA4Cu8tU?t=12m7s
Evil is the absence of the goodness of God:
http://youtu.be/MqDKA4Cu8tU?t=13m42s
Sun goes up, sun goes down, tide comes in, tide goes out:
http://youtu.be/MqDKA4Cu8tU?t=18m33s
Messages from the spirit world received by mediums:
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=40s
Evolution is an illogical theory:
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=12m51s
How do we know the appendix does nothing?
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=16m27s
How did the Cambrian explosion happen?
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=17m22s
Evolution is only a theory, so why can't another theory be right?
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=19m6s
Where did the first amoeba come from?
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=20m29s
We didn't come from monkeys. We're not just animals.
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=21m55s
Evolution is only based on similarity in life forms.
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=24m33s
No one has ever seen evolution from one species into another.
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=26m25s
Evolution goes against the second law of thermodynamics.
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=27m34s
How can anyone explain the skeletons of giants?
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=27m34s
Charles Darwin even admitted that he had been wrong.
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=29m48s
If we came from apes, then why are apes still around?
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=31m29s
No one has ever seen a "missing link."
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=31m29s
Why are there so few so-called transitional fossils?
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=35m47s
Why haven't the oldest life formed changed?
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=37m26s
Where do extra chromosomes come from?
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=39m6s
Bananas!
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=40m26s
If even one gene is removed or changed, we would die instantly.
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=42m8s
Which came first? Heart to pump blood, or the blood without a heart?
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=43m28s
The eye is too complex to have happened all at once.
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=46m32s
Why assume there is no God before starting to figure out evolution?
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=48m29s
Why are modern lizards less complex than dinosaurs?
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=49m59s
Fruit fly experiments have failed to produce a new species.
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=51m39s
Where do asteroids come from?
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=52m44s
Human and dinosaur bones have been found in the same rock strata.
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=53m42s
The Piltdown Man was a fake.
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=57m48s
"Evil-lution."
http://youtu.be/l0-FC9X4QTE?t=36s
Saying that God does not exist is a reification fallacy:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=42s
People only become atheists because they're afraid of the truth:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=3m12s
I just have a "feeling" that there's a God:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=4m48s
If there are a finite number of things, there must be a greatest:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=5m28s
People see angels:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=10m2s
Pascal's Wager:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=16m6s
Liar, Lunatic, Lord:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=19m23s
Quantum mechanics prove God:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=24m41s
Demonic possessions and exorcisms:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=45m32s
Noah's Ark was discovered:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=46m59s
Science has never proven that God does not exist:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=51m56s
The conditions for life on Earth are too perfect to have occurred by chance:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=54m11s
Who wrote the Bible?
http://youtu.be/l0-FC9X4QTE?t=49s
The Koran predicted that the universe was expanding:
http://youtu.be/l0-FC9X4QTE?t=1m19s
The beauty of nature:
http://youtu.be/l0-FC9X4QTE?t=5m1s
USA is a Christian nation founded on Christian principles:
http://youtu.be/l0-FC9X4QTE?t=11m56s
Universal constants:
http://youtu.be/l0-FC9X4QTE?t=18m46s
ARGUMENTS AGAINST THE EXISTENCE OF GOD:
Religion created God to control people through fear:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=17m19s
Miracles can be explained scientifically:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=21m13s
The Higgs-Boson proves that the universe was created without God:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=25m16s
God cannot exist in a vacuum:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=27m10s
God could not predict holy wars:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=29m2s
The universe began with the Big Bang:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=32m30s
No one was around to create God:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=37m31s
Prayers go unanswered:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=39m28s
Atheists don't preach or try to convert people:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=41m5s
Religion causes violence:
http://youtu.be/l4DHxqV6_Ok?t=46m45s
Why hasn't God proven himself?:
http://youtu.be/9HDhJ14RHDk?t=4m33s
Bad things happen in nature (e.g. parasitic wasps):
http://youtu.be/9HDhJ14RHDk?t=9m53s
Everything that exists must be either matter or energy:
http://youtu.be/9HDhJ14RHDk?t=12m12s
An infinite God is impossible, and a finite god cannot be examined:
http://youtu.be/9HDhJ14RHDk?t=14m37s
Ancient "gods" were probably just visiting aliens:
http://youtu.be/9HDhJ14RHDk?t=16m59s
Believing in God is just stupid:
http://youtu.be/9HDhJ14RHDk?t=21m19s
God must know evil to be perfect:
http://youtu.be/9HDhJ14RHDk?t=22m25s
An all-knowing being would take away free will:
http://youtu.be/6kCt6LNZg54?t=39s
The Gospels weren't written until long after Jesus died:
http://youtu.be/6kCt6LNZg54?t=11m3s
The supernatural can be easily faked:
http://youtu.be/6kCt6LNZg54?t=17m34s
God doesn't do huge miracles anymore:
http://youtu.be/6kCt6LNZg54?t=19m43s
The Bible is full of mistakes:
http://youtu.be/6kCt6LNZg54?t=22m45s and http://youtu.be/l0-FC9X4QTE?t=20m34s
There is evil in the world:
http://youtu.be/6kCt6LNZg54?t=27m43s
The human body is badly designed:
http://youtu.be/6kCt6LNZg54?t=31m2s
Flying Spaghetti Monster (aka. Invisible Pink Unicorn or Russell's Teapot):
http://youtu.be/6kCt6LNZg54?t=38m41s
Could God create a rock so heavy that he can't lift it? // Why can't God control hell or the devil?
http://youtu.be/MqDKA4Cu8tU?t=4m21s
Omniscience contradicts consciousness (referenced):
http://youtu.be/MqDKA4Cu8tU?t=6m18s
Religion leads to bad political decisions (i.e. Republicans and other social conservatives):
http://youtu.be/MqDKA4Cu8tU?t=7m4s
Religion is bad for education:
http://youtu.be/MqDKA4Cu8tU?t=9m19s
Logical fallacies (e.g. "appeal to authority," "appeal to the masses," etc.):
http://youtu.be/MqDKA4Cu8tU?t=16m44s
Evolution:
http://youtu.be/MqDKA4Cu8tU?t=21m50s
God is not defined:
http://youtu.be/MqDKA4Cu8tU?t=29m7s
Atheists don't say there ISN'T a god, and everyone is agnostic:
http://youtu.be/MqDKA4Cu8tU?t=34m1s
Religions cannot agree on anything:
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=2m38s
The burden of proof is on the person making the positive claim, and great claims require great proof:
http://youtu.be/egM2tzpKe_s?t=4m20s
There are no archeological remnants of the Hebrews wandering in the desert:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=7m38s
Morality changes over time:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=11m35s
Religion teaches hatred:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=13m5s
No one believes in the Pagan gods anymore:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=26m19s
A perfect being cannot have free will:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=30m40s
Jesus's miracles look like magicians tricks:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=31m44s
Documentary: "Jesus, The Man Who Wasn't There"
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=34m35s
Magic, miracles, ESP and other paranormal or supernatural phenomena are not repeatable:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=40m28s
Occam's Razor: The simplest explanation is usually the correct one:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=49m36s
Science has never proven that there is a god:
http://youtu.be/5POLBnM_cLI?t=51m56s
Religion is male-dominated:
http://youtu.be/l0-FC9X4QTE?t=2m36s
The Rapture didn't happen when it was supposed to:
http://youtu.be/l0-FC9X4QTE?t=5m22s
Cre-tard-ism:
http://youtu.be/l0-FC9X4QTE?t=7m49s
Why don't psychics win the lottery?:
http://youtu.be/l0-FC9X4QTE?t=8m6s
Brain damage causes memory loss and changes in behavior:
http://youtu.be/l0-FC9X4QTE?t=9m26s
USA is a secular nation. / Separation of church and state:
http://youtu.be/l0-FC9X4QTE?t=11m56s
Christianity caused the Dark Ages:
http://youtu.be/l0-FC9X4QTE?t=16m18s
CLOSING THOUGHTS:
http://youtu.be/l0-FC9X4QTE?t=23m39s
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Did You Ever Notice On Star Trek...
Did you ever notice on Star Trek:
* The universal translator, which instantly makes every language sound like English, has no effect on French or Klingon?
* On the original series, when the transporter would malfunction, it never occurred to anyone to just use the shuttlecraft?
* In every crowd scene in the movies, there is EXACTLY ONE blue person?
* Data only stops using contractions when talking about how he's incapable of using contractions?
* Even though the holodeck can create clothing, the crew feels the need to change into costume before entering?
* No one outside the series "Enterprise" ever mentions the first Enterprise?
* Almost all of the dialog on Voyager is just saying the names of different subatomic particles?
* Not only do the red-shirts die right away, but they don't even look all that surprised?
* Even though Vulcans are super technologically advanced and purely logical and scientific, the only places we ever visit are rocky canyons and mystic temples where everyone looks pissed off?
* Even though the Borg have a huge fleet of ships that could cross the galaxy in seconds, they always only send one ship at a time, and if it's destroyed, they just give up for a few years?
* No one ever brings up the Prime Directive unless it's terribly inconvenient, and will probably be ignored anyway?
* Even though money is used all the time in the future, everyone still feels the need to point out how they don't use money in the future?
* Starfleet history classes don't teach anything about the late 20th or early 21st centuries?
* No matter how many times the crew members are promoted, they always sit in the same positions doing the same jobs?
* The events from "Star Trek: The Motion Picture" might as well have never happened?
* Even though everyone knows how to travel back in time by slingshotting around the sun, people hardly use it?
* All the ships sent from Earth are called "Federation" ships, but all the ships sent from Vulcan are called "Vulcan" ships?
* The date of the Eugenics War keeps getting pushed further into the future?
* Nine out of ten times that an Enterprise gets blown up, there's a time warp in effect which will prevent it from having happened?
* Everyone in Starfleet who ISN'T a member of the Enterprise bridge crew is completely incompetent?
* The Enterprise is the only ship in the area... EVEN WHEN IT'S IN ORBIT AROUND EARTH!
* The universal translator, which instantly makes every language sound like English, has no effect on French or Klingon?
* On the original series, when the transporter would malfunction, it never occurred to anyone to just use the shuttlecraft?
* In every crowd scene in the movies, there is EXACTLY ONE blue person?
* Data only stops using contractions when talking about how he's incapable of using contractions?
* Even though the holodeck can create clothing, the crew feels the need to change into costume before entering?
* No one outside the series "Enterprise" ever mentions the first Enterprise?
* Almost all of the dialog on Voyager is just saying the names of different subatomic particles?
* Not only do the red-shirts die right away, but they don't even look all that surprised?
* Even though Vulcans are super technologically advanced and purely logical and scientific, the only places we ever visit are rocky canyons and mystic temples where everyone looks pissed off?
* Even though the Borg have a huge fleet of ships that could cross the galaxy in seconds, they always only send one ship at a time, and if it's destroyed, they just give up for a few years?
* No one ever brings up the Prime Directive unless it's terribly inconvenient, and will probably be ignored anyway?
* Even though money is used all the time in the future, everyone still feels the need to point out how they don't use money in the future?
* Starfleet history classes don't teach anything about the late 20th or early 21st centuries?
* No matter how many times the crew members are promoted, they always sit in the same positions doing the same jobs?
* The events from "Star Trek: The Motion Picture" might as well have never happened?
* Even though everyone knows how to travel back in time by slingshotting around the sun, people hardly use it?
* All the ships sent from Earth are called "Federation" ships, but all the ships sent from Vulcan are called "Vulcan" ships?
* The date of the Eugenics War keeps getting pushed further into the future?
* Nine out of ten times that an Enterprise gets blown up, there's a time warp in effect which will prevent it from having happened?
* Everyone in Starfleet who ISN'T a member of the Enterprise bridge crew is completely incompetent?
* The Enterprise is the only ship in the area... EVEN WHEN IT'S IN ORBIT AROUND EARTH!
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Greatest Monsters of All Time
People have often debated which are the greatest movie monsters or villains of all time. Rather than just put together some lame top ten list that's sure to piss everyone off because it's not the top ten list YOU would have made, I decided to make a definitive collection, arrange them by category, and let you decide for yourself which ones are your favorites.
To avoid having a mile-long list of monsters, I established two general rules:
Rule #1: The monster must be well-known, thus demonstrating having penetrated the general public consciousness. (Nothing from some one-time movie that only a few people remember.)
Rule #2: The monster must be an individual, not a general category. (For example, "zombies" is not a specific individual monster.)
I've broken them down into five basic categories. Enjoy.
CLASSICAL MONSTERS:
* BOGEY MAN - Throughout the Middle Ages, there were legends of "bogey beasts," or mysterious monsters which lived in bogs and attempted to frighten away trespassers. By the modern era, these beasts became blended into a single monster called "the Bogey Man," and has become part of what I call the "children's pantheon" along with Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. The Bogey Man loves to frighten children, playing off their existing fears. His appearance is varied, but is it often depicted with distorted skin, sharp teeth, glowing eyes, and a soft whispering voice. He often hides in closets and under beds. His weaknesses are bright lights, loud noises and security blankets.
* GRENDEL - A monster which terrorized the Hall of Rothgar before being killed by Beowulf.
Associates: His mother.
* GRIM REAPER - Also known as Charon or simply "Death." He originally ferried souls across the River Styx (or Acheron, depending on your source), but somewhere along the line, he took over the role of the incarnation of death from his brother, Thanatos. He is a skeleton wearing a black hooded robe, and according the Book of Revelation, carries a scythe. He does not consider himself evil, but simply doing his job.
* HYDRA - From Greek mythology, the Hydra is probably the most famous of multi-headed dragons. It is the offspring of Typhon and Echidna, and it has the power to regenerate lost heads (and then some). It was eventually killed by Heracles.
* JERSEY DEVIL - At about the late end of the "classic" monsters, the Jersey Devil is a folk legend from the New England area. According to the legend, he was born sometime before the American Revolution to a woman who was cursed in some way, and immediately flew out on his own to terrorize people. He has horns, wings and hooves.
* MEDUSA - Specifically from Greek mythology, Medusa was one of three immortal sisters known as the gorgons. Medusa was a lover of Poseidon, but cursed by Athena with snakes growing from her head, and eyes which could turn any living thing into stone. Despite her most famous story of being killed by Perseus, she has since reappeared in several modern stories.
* MINOTAUR - Another from Greek mythology, this huge man with the head and hooves of a bull carries an axe and kills any who enter the labyrinth beneath the island of Crete. He was born the offspring of a magic bull and a Minoan princess. He was killed by Thesius, but like so many monsters, has returned to appear in other stories.
* SATAN - The ultimate bad guy, Satan (also known as Lucifer, Beelzebub, Mephistopheles, the Devil, etc.) was once an angel, but betrayed God, becoming the ruler of Hell. Many of his early attributes are based on the Canaanite story of Baal, but by the Middle Ages, the legend of Faust cemented into the modern culture, the image of a distinguished gentleman, who offers contracts to buy human souls in exchange for granting wishes. These wishes usually backfire in some way.
Associates: All known demons.
* SPHINX - A monster with the body of a lion, the face of a woman, and the wings of a falcon. The Sphinx terrorized the people of Thebes, Egypt, before finally being defeated by Oedipus. Before killing (and eating) its victims, the Sphinx would offer a sporting chance of survival in the form of asking riddles.
GOLDEN AGE OF HORROR 1920s-1950s:
* CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON - Often called the "last of the Universal monsters," the creature, also called "Gill-Man," is a fish-like humanoid which kills anyone who threatens his natural habitat.
* DRACULA - Based on the novel and stage play by Bram Stoker (and even more loosely based on Prince Vlad the Impailer of Transylvania), Count Dracula is the world's most powerful vampire (and in some versions, the first vampire). In addition to all the other vampire powers, he can shapeshift into a wolf, a bat or a cloud of mist, is one of the few vampires capable of surviving in sunlight, and can dominate any creature of the night, including most werewolves and zombies. Dracula was defeated in 19th-century England by Professor Abraham Van Helsing.
Associates: Three wives. Alucard (his son). Maria Zeleska (his daughter). Renfield (his insect-eating servant).
* FLY - Dr. Andre DeLambre, working on a way to teleport himself, accidentally merged his own body with the head of a fly.
* FRANKENSTEIN - Based on the novel by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelly, Dr. Victor Frankenstein is the quintessential mad scientist. He creates monsters from sewn-together body parts and electricity. His monsters tend to be violent and slow-witted.
Associates: The Monster (his first creation, who has greenish skin and bolts in his neck). Ygor (his conniving hunch-backed assistant). The Bride (his second creation, who has upright streaked hair, and was created as a companion for the first Monster).
* GOLEM OF PRAGUE - A man made of living stone, the Golem was created by a Rabbi using the mystical power of the Kabbalah. He reigns vengeance upon anyone who threatens the Jewish people.
* HEADLESS HORSEMAN - Based on an American folk legend, and popularized by Washington Irving, the Headless Horseman rides through the night around the town of Sleepy Hollow. He is undead after having been beheaded, and often threatens his victims by throwing jack-o-lanterns at them. His weakness is that he cannot cross over running water. He most famously terrorized Ichabod Crane in the 18th century.
* INVISIBLE MAN - Based on the story by H.G. Wells, Dr. Jack Griffin experimented on himself to make himself invisible, with the side-effect of causing him to become sociopathic.
* JEKYLL / HYDE - Based on the story by Robert Lewis Stephenson, Dr. Henry Jekyll is a split personality. After experimenting on himself, he takes on an evil and monstrous alter-ego known as Edward Hyde. In some versions of the story, he drinks or injects the drug for each transformation, while in other versions, the transformations are spontaneous.
* MUMMY (IMHOTEP) - After attempting to resurrect an Egyptian queen, Imhotep (named after the famous Egyptian architect who designed the pyramids), was killed, mummified, and later brought back to life by his own spell read by a team of 20th-century archeologists.
* MUMMY (KHARIS) - An equally popular mummy, Kharis is kept alive by the magic of tana leaves, and used by an Egyptian cult to protect the treasures of Egypt.
* PHANTOM OF THE OPERA - Based on the novel by Gaston LaRue, the Phantom (also known as Erik, or the Opera Ghost) was a deformed and abused child who grew up in the secret tunnels beneath a Paris opera house. He wears a white mask to hide his face. He is the quintessential tortured artist, obsessed with creating musical masterpieces, and killing anyone who stand in the way of his art.
Associates: The rat-catcher.
* WOLFMAN - Unlike other werewolves, Lawrence Talbot III can be brought back from the dead, even if killed by silver. He is also the only known werewolf who cannot be forced to submit to the will of Dracula.
SILVER AGE OF HORROR 1970s-1990s:
* AUDREY II - An oversized talking plant that eats humans.
* CANDYMAN - An undead serial killer who can be summoned through mirrors.
* CHUCKY - Charles Lee Ray, after being killed, used a voodoo spell to transfer his soul into the body of a talking doll.
Associates: Tiffany (his doll girlfriend). Glen (his doll son).
* DAMIEN - The son of Satan. He can manipulate people into murder or suicide.
* GHOSTFACE - Serial killer with a long white mask. He is inspired by other horror movies.
* FREDDY KRUEGER - Once a serial killer of children, using a glove with metal claws, Freddy was killed and burned by the parents of the murdered children. Now undead, Freddy has the power to kill people by integrating himself into their nightmares.
* LEATHERFACE - The most prominent member of a family of killers in Texas. Leatherface carries a chainsaw and wears a mask made from the skin of his previous victims.
* LEPRECHAUN - A not-so-cute leprechaun who will kill anyone who stands between him and his pot of gold.
* MICHAEL MYERS - A natural-born serial killer who wears a white mask. He is associated with the Cult of the Thorn. He is often silent.
* PINHEAD - Not his actual name, but a common nickname. He is the leader of the Cenobites, demons which inflict pain for pleasure. He has white skin, a leather coat, and several nails in his head.
* JASON VORHEEZ - After drowning at Crystal Lake as a child, Jason became an undead immortal. He kills everyone, but his favorite victims are sexually-active teenagers. He wears a hockey mask and carries a machete.
Associates: Pamela (his mother, who was beheaded).
* WISHMASTER - The quintessential evil genie, who grants wishes which inevitably backfire. When not granting wishes, he is trapped inside a magic gem.
GIANT MONSTERS:
* BLOB - An extraterrestrial amorphous mass which grows by consuming everything in its path.
* CTHULHU - A gigantic winged creature with an octopus-like head. He is a force of destruction summoned into this world by cults.
* GAMERA - A giant flying turtle, capable of travelling through space. He fights off other monsters, and is very protective of children.
* GODZILLA - A preserved dinosaur who was resurrected and mutated by nuclear bomb testing somewhere off the coast of Japan. He is much larger than an ordinary dinosaur, often crushing all things in his path. He lives on Monster Island, fighting off other giant monsters. His most powerful weapon is atomic breath.
Associates: Menia (his son). King Ghidorah (his arch-nemesis, a gold three-headed dragon).
* KING KONG - The "Eighth Wonder of the World," King Kong is a giant gorilla from Skull Island, who used to received human sacrifices from the tribesmen, but later travelled to New York City. He was killed, but has inexplicably appeared in other movies since.
* KRAKEN - The word "kraken" originally applied to a giant squid popular in medieval folklore, and the sea monster which destroyed the city of Argos in Greek mythology was never given a name or a description. However, to modern moviegoers, the two creatures are one and the same. It is a giant multi-limbed creature which serves the will of Zeus.
* MOTHRA - A giant moth worshipped by a tribe on a South Pacific island. They summon Mothra by singing. Mothra can create incredible windstorms by flapping her wings, or shoot jets of web.
HUMAN KILLERS (Serial killers without supernatural powers or a cool costume):
(Note: Because of the incredibly long list of real-life serial killers, I'm once again sticking with recurring movie characters.)
* NORMAN BATES - (SPOILER ALERT!) The owner of the Bates Motel, Norman went insane after killing his mother, and has since become a multiple personality, with the other personality being a homicidal version of his late mother.
* HANIBAL LECTER - A deranged psychiatrist and cannibal. He delights in taunting his adversaries.
* JACK THE RIPPER - Originally a nickname for an unidentified real-life serial killer from 18th-century London, Jack the Ripper has become a popular recurring character throughout science fiction and horror. The specifics vary widely from one production to the next.
* SWEENY TODD - A homicidal barber who kills his customers. Originally just a legendary figure who robbed his victims, but in later versions, an alias for Benjamin Barker, who sought revenge on his enemies, but got carried away killing everyone else.
Associates: Mrs. Lovett (his accomplice, who disposed of the victims' bodies by baking them into pies).
To avoid having a mile-long list of monsters, I established two general rules:
Rule #1: The monster must be well-known, thus demonstrating having penetrated the general public consciousness. (Nothing from some one-time movie that only a few people remember.)
Rule #2: The monster must be an individual, not a general category. (For example, "zombies" is not a specific individual monster.)
I've broken them down into five basic categories. Enjoy.
CLASSICAL MONSTERS:
* BOGEY MAN - Throughout the Middle Ages, there were legends of "bogey beasts," or mysterious monsters which lived in bogs and attempted to frighten away trespassers. By the modern era, these beasts became blended into a single monster called "the Bogey Man," and has become part of what I call the "children's pantheon" along with Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. The Bogey Man loves to frighten children, playing off their existing fears. His appearance is varied, but is it often depicted with distorted skin, sharp teeth, glowing eyes, and a soft whispering voice. He often hides in closets and under beds. His weaknesses are bright lights, loud noises and security blankets.
* GRENDEL - A monster which terrorized the Hall of Rothgar before being killed by Beowulf.
Associates: His mother.
* GRIM REAPER - Also known as Charon or simply "Death." He originally ferried souls across the River Styx (or Acheron, depending on your source), but somewhere along the line, he took over the role of the incarnation of death from his brother, Thanatos. He is a skeleton wearing a black hooded robe, and according the Book of Revelation, carries a scythe. He does not consider himself evil, but simply doing his job.
* HYDRA - From Greek mythology, the Hydra is probably the most famous of multi-headed dragons. It is the offspring of Typhon and Echidna, and it has the power to regenerate lost heads (and then some). It was eventually killed by Heracles.
* JERSEY DEVIL - At about the late end of the "classic" monsters, the Jersey Devil is a folk legend from the New England area. According to the legend, he was born sometime before the American Revolution to a woman who was cursed in some way, and immediately flew out on his own to terrorize people. He has horns, wings and hooves.
* MEDUSA - Specifically from Greek mythology, Medusa was one of three immortal sisters known as the gorgons. Medusa was a lover of Poseidon, but cursed by Athena with snakes growing from her head, and eyes which could turn any living thing into stone. Despite her most famous story of being killed by Perseus, she has since reappeared in several modern stories.
* MINOTAUR - Another from Greek mythology, this huge man with the head and hooves of a bull carries an axe and kills any who enter the labyrinth beneath the island of Crete. He was born the offspring of a magic bull and a Minoan princess. He was killed by Thesius, but like so many monsters, has returned to appear in other stories.
* SATAN - The ultimate bad guy, Satan (also known as Lucifer, Beelzebub, Mephistopheles, the Devil, etc.) was once an angel, but betrayed God, becoming the ruler of Hell. Many of his early attributes are based on the Canaanite story of Baal, but by the Middle Ages, the legend of Faust cemented into the modern culture, the image of a distinguished gentleman, who offers contracts to buy human souls in exchange for granting wishes. These wishes usually backfire in some way.
Associates: All known demons.
* SPHINX - A monster with the body of a lion, the face of a woman, and the wings of a falcon. The Sphinx terrorized the people of Thebes, Egypt, before finally being defeated by Oedipus. Before killing (and eating) its victims, the Sphinx would offer a sporting chance of survival in the form of asking riddles.
GOLDEN AGE OF HORROR 1920s-1950s:
* CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON - Often called the "last of the Universal monsters," the creature, also called "Gill-Man," is a fish-like humanoid which kills anyone who threatens his natural habitat.
* DRACULA - Based on the novel and stage play by Bram Stoker (and even more loosely based on Prince Vlad the Impailer of Transylvania), Count Dracula is the world's most powerful vampire (and in some versions, the first vampire). In addition to all the other vampire powers, he can shapeshift into a wolf, a bat or a cloud of mist, is one of the few vampires capable of surviving in sunlight, and can dominate any creature of the night, including most werewolves and zombies. Dracula was defeated in 19th-century England by Professor Abraham Van Helsing.
Associates: Three wives. Alucard (his son). Maria Zeleska (his daughter). Renfield (his insect-eating servant).
* FLY - Dr. Andre DeLambre, working on a way to teleport himself, accidentally merged his own body with the head of a fly.
* FRANKENSTEIN - Based on the novel by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelly, Dr. Victor Frankenstein is the quintessential mad scientist. He creates monsters from sewn-together body parts and electricity. His monsters tend to be violent and slow-witted.
Associates: The Monster (his first creation, who has greenish skin and bolts in his neck). Ygor (his conniving hunch-backed assistant). The Bride (his second creation, who has upright streaked hair, and was created as a companion for the first Monster).
* GOLEM OF PRAGUE - A man made of living stone, the Golem was created by a Rabbi using the mystical power of the Kabbalah. He reigns vengeance upon anyone who threatens the Jewish people.
* HEADLESS HORSEMAN - Based on an American folk legend, and popularized by Washington Irving, the Headless Horseman rides through the night around the town of Sleepy Hollow. He is undead after having been beheaded, and often threatens his victims by throwing jack-o-lanterns at them. His weakness is that he cannot cross over running water. He most famously terrorized Ichabod Crane in the 18th century.
* INVISIBLE MAN - Based on the story by H.G. Wells, Dr. Jack Griffin experimented on himself to make himself invisible, with the side-effect of causing him to become sociopathic.
* JEKYLL / HYDE - Based on the story by Robert Lewis Stephenson, Dr. Henry Jekyll is a split personality. After experimenting on himself, he takes on an evil and monstrous alter-ego known as Edward Hyde. In some versions of the story, he drinks or injects the drug for each transformation, while in other versions, the transformations are spontaneous.
* MUMMY (IMHOTEP) - After attempting to resurrect an Egyptian queen, Imhotep (named after the famous Egyptian architect who designed the pyramids), was killed, mummified, and later brought back to life by his own spell read by a team of 20th-century archeologists.
* MUMMY (KHARIS) - An equally popular mummy, Kharis is kept alive by the magic of tana leaves, and used by an Egyptian cult to protect the treasures of Egypt.
* PHANTOM OF THE OPERA - Based on the novel by Gaston LaRue, the Phantom (also known as Erik, or the Opera Ghost) was a deformed and abused child who grew up in the secret tunnels beneath a Paris opera house. He wears a white mask to hide his face. He is the quintessential tortured artist, obsessed with creating musical masterpieces, and killing anyone who stand in the way of his art.
Associates: The rat-catcher.
* WOLFMAN - Unlike other werewolves, Lawrence Talbot III can be brought back from the dead, even if killed by silver. He is also the only known werewolf who cannot be forced to submit to the will of Dracula.
SILVER AGE OF HORROR 1970s-1990s:
* AUDREY II - An oversized talking plant that eats humans.
* CANDYMAN - An undead serial killer who can be summoned through mirrors.
* CHUCKY - Charles Lee Ray, after being killed, used a voodoo spell to transfer his soul into the body of a talking doll.
Associates: Tiffany (his doll girlfriend). Glen (his doll son).
* DAMIEN - The son of Satan. He can manipulate people into murder or suicide.
* GHOSTFACE - Serial killer with a long white mask. He is inspired by other horror movies.
* FREDDY KRUEGER - Once a serial killer of children, using a glove with metal claws, Freddy was killed and burned by the parents of the murdered children. Now undead, Freddy has the power to kill people by integrating himself into their nightmares.
* LEATHERFACE - The most prominent member of a family of killers in Texas. Leatherface carries a chainsaw and wears a mask made from the skin of his previous victims.
* LEPRECHAUN - A not-so-cute leprechaun who will kill anyone who stands between him and his pot of gold.
* MICHAEL MYERS - A natural-born serial killer who wears a white mask. He is associated with the Cult of the Thorn. He is often silent.
* PINHEAD - Not his actual name, but a common nickname. He is the leader of the Cenobites, demons which inflict pain for pleasure. He has white skin, a leather coat, and several nails in his head.
* JASON VORHEEZ - After drowning at Crystal Lake as a child, Jason became an undead immortal. He kills everyone, but his favorite victims are sexually-active teenagers. He wears a hockey mask and carries a machete.
Associates: Pamela (his mother, who was beheaded).
* WISHMASTER - The quintessential evil genie, who grants wishes which inevitably backfire. When not granting wishes, he is trapped inside a magic gem.
GIANT MONSTERS:
* BLOB - An extraterrestrial amorphous mass which grows by consuming everything in its path.
* CTHULHU - A gigantic winged creature with an octopus-like head. He is a force of destruction summoned into this world by cults.
* GAMERA - A giant flying turtle, capable of travelling through space. He fights off other monsters, and is very protective of children.
* GODZILLA - A preserved dinosaur who was resurrected and mutated by nuclear bomb testing somewhere off the coast of Japan. He is much larger than an ordinary dinosaur, often crushing all things in his path. He lives on Monster Island, fighting off other giant monsters. His most powerful weapon is atomic breath.
Associates: Menia (his son). King Ghidorah (his arch-nemesis, a gold three-headed dragon).
* KING KONG - The "Eighth Wonder of the World," King Kong is a giant gorilla from Skull Island, who used to received human sacrifices from the tribesmen, but later travelled to New York City. He was killed, but has inexplicably appeared in other movies since.
* KRAKEN - The word "kraken" originally applied to a giant squid popular in medieval folklore, and the sea monster which destroyed the city of Argos in Greek mythology was never given a name or a description. However, to modern moviegoers, the two creatures are one and the same. It is a giant multi-limbed creature which serves the will of Zeus.
* MOTHRA - A giant moth worshipped by a tribe on a South Pacific island. They summon Mothra by singing. Mothra can create incredible windstorms by flapping her wings, or shoot jets of web.
HUMAN KILLERS (Serial killers without supernatural powers or a cool costume):
(Note: Because of the incredibly long list of real-life serial killers, I'm once again sticking with recurring movie characters.)
* NORMAN BATES - (SPOILER ALERT!) The owner of the Bates Motel, Norman went insane after killing his mother, and has since become a multiple personality, with the other personality being a homicidal version of his late mother.
* HANIBAL LECTER - A deranged psychiatrist and cannibal. He delights in taunting his adversaries.
* JACK THE RIPPER - Originally a nickname for an unidentified real-life serial killer from 18th-century London, Jack the Ripper has become a popular recurring character throughout science fiction and horror. The specifics vary widely from one production to the next.
* SWEENY TODD - A homicidal barber who kills his customers. Originally just a legendary figure who robbed his victims, but in later versions, an alias for Benjamin Barker, who sought revenge on his enemies, but got carried away killing everyone else.
Associates: Mrs. Lovett (his accomplice, who disposed of the victims' bodies by baking them into pies).
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