Why do people tell us things we already know? I don't mean just the situations where maybe you were misinformed and thought this was new information to me. I mean those times when you know very well that I know what you're about to say, and tell me anyway. I've been thinking about this lately, and I've come up with a list of reasons:
- I'm quizzing you. Let's say I'm the boss, and I'm hiring you to operate a machine, and I say "Tell me how this machine works." Obviously, I'm not asking you because I don't know; I'm asking to see if you know. The more detail you can give me, the more I'll see you as familiar with the topic, and if you go into extreme detail, I might even say "That's good enough" before you finish.
- You're testing your own knowledge. I just finished explaining a topic to you, and you're not entirely sure you understand it. So you say, "Let me see if I got this," and explain the whole thing back to me using slightly different words. The hope is that I'll either wait until the end, and say "Good, you got it," or I'll interrupt you at some point and say, "Wait, no, that's not what I meant." It's tedious for me, but I can tolerate it because it's necessary.
- You're excited about the topic. I ask you, "Hey, have you seen this movie?" It turns out this is one of your favorite movies of all time, so you excitedly start rambling "Oh, wow, how about when you thought the bad guy was this guy, but it turned out to be the other guy all along! Oh, and that part where he jumps from the roof, and the other guy is like, 'how'd you do that!' And then the boat blows up, and he goes flying! Holy shit!" Technically, you're telling me details that I already know, but I understand that you'd probably say the same thing if you were talking to an empty room. If your enthusiasm is contagious enough, I might join in quoting lines and describing scenes along with you.
- You're laying groundwork for a conclusion. Let's say we're discussing a crime scene, and I just gave you a ton of evidence to work with. It would be silly for you to say "His brother killed him," and not give reasons. You would have to highlight specific pieces of information first, not unlike those geometric proofs that we all learned in high school. "Given, the bullet casing landed next to the door. Given, the brother is left-handed. Given, the window was open." These are all things I already knew, but just didn't see them within the context of your conclusion.
- You're making sure we're on the same page. You tell me that a friend of yours is a vegetarian. Maybe we both understand the word "vegetarian" to mean the same thing as "vegan," but then again, maybe I'm thinking that your friend is ovo-lacto-vegetarian. You might add that your friend eats no animal products at all. If we're on the same page to begin with, it might seem strange that you told me something I already assumed, but if we didn't mean the same thing, then your additional information was an important clarification.
- You're framing an opinion. Let's say we're both looking at a painting. You don't need to tell me which parts of the painting are blue and which parts are yellow. I can see that. However, if you tell me that your reaction is that the painting makes you feel nostalgic for childhood, I would have no way of knowing why you feel that way, unless you point out specific aspects of the painting. My understanding of your mind isn't based on WHAT you tell me about how the painting looks, but HOW you tell me. Additional tip: If I give you a lengthy explanation of my opinion, I'm probably fishing for you to continue the conversation by providing perspective of your own, coming to a meeting of the minds. So don't be that guy who just leaves me hanging, nodding quietly without injecting any thoughts of your own. Give me some feedback, please.
- You're speaking to more than one person. This seems almost like a no-brainer, but it technically is a form of telling me what I already know. If I'm sitting with a group of people, some new and some who have been here a while, maybe half of us know what's going on. Since it would take too long to separate us into groups based on what we know already, it's much more efficient for you to address the whole group, saying something like, "For those of you just joining us."
- You're telling a popular story. Sometimes, people like telling the same stories to their friends over and over. Think of watching the same stand-up comedy video over and over, or think of a child who wants to hear the same bedtime story every night. Maybe it's just an inside joke between friends, where it would feel absent if you didn't say it. Personally, I'm not a fan of this kind of repetition, but I understand it can be a source of comradery.
- You're venting. Maybe the thing you're telling me about is upsetting you in some way, and you just need to rant about it to anyone willing to listen. Maybe you're having trouble organizing your thoughts in your head, and using me as a sounding board is the only way you can work through it. Some of the things coming out of your mouth are probably going to be specific facts or general ideas that I'm already familiar with, such as "I need that car to get around," or "That guy had no right to insult me like that," or "The whole government is corrupt." Yes, this might be tedious for me to listen to, but it would be incredibly insensitive of me to tell you to shut up, or to start nitpicking on the details of what you're saying.
- You're comparing notes. Maybe this is a very specific topic that not many people know about. You've probably been waiting your whole life to meet someone who gets where you're coming from or who understands and has an interest in this particular topic, so when you meet me and realize that I also have knowledge of the topic, you may find yourself excitedly rambling about the matter, hoping that between the two of us, we can expand each other's knowledge, filling in each other's blanks. There's one small problem. Just because you've never met someone before who can talk about this particular subject doesn't mean that I haven't. Maybe I've had ten conversations about this topic in the past week with other people, and now I'm bored with it. Then again, maybe I'm just as excited to discuss it as you are. The best thing to do in this situation is to calm yourself down. Ask a few questions first, "Can I talk to you about this?" Maybe even preface the spiel with "You're the first person I ever met who I can talk to about this," so that I know what I'm getting into.
- You're avoiding liability. I know that I'm not supposed to take a hair dryer into the bathtub with me. You know that I know that I'm not supposed to do that. I know that you know that I know... etc., etc. But for legal purposes, you have to put a warning label on the hair dryer telling me not to take it into the bathtub with me. I don't feel insulted, because I understand it's a legal disclaimer. We see the same thing with all those safety videos we all have to watch before starting a new job. We see the same thing when a judge explains court proceedings to a jury before a trial. We see it in the fine print of your phone contract. For the most part, we're half-asleep for it all, but we put up with it because we're used to it.
- You're trying to formalize an idea. Let's say you're a legislator, and you're in a meeting to discuss a law that has some gray area. Let's pretend that there's a tax on sandwiches, and you need to define what a sandwich is, so that the tax collectors know what counts. Sure, you could just assume that everyone already knows what a sandwich is, but what happens when someone sues over being taxed on a hot dog? Even though the answer might be common sense to you, there needs to be an agreement upon the definition of what a sandwich is before it can be written down. This applies to everything from framing a new constitution to establishing the bylaws of your local bake sale committee. It may seem trivial, but formalizing these common sense ideas in writing now may save you some headaches down the road.
- You're an arrogant jerk. Maybe you're genuinely convinced that you're the only person in the room who knows what's going on, and you want other people to see you as the smartest person around. This would be understandable if you were dealing with some esoteric knowledge in a room full of laymen, though it would be more considerate to ask, "Are you at all familiar with this?" before going into a long and boring speech. Here's a tip. If the listener is saying things like, "Wow, I didn't know that," keep going, but if the listener is going "uh-huh, yeah, I know, got it, okay, I said I got it," maybe shut up. However, sometimes people will get into topics that are common knowledge, or at least, common knowledge to this particular group. If that's the case, you can open with a simple, "Okay, we all know about this, right?" or "Does anyone here NOT understand this?" This is where you get the subcategory of "mansplaining," which is the same thing, but with the arrogance coming specifically from a misogynistic place, but we see similar attitudes from gifted children, spoiled rich people, political upstarts, old folks, and very often, your parents who can't help but see you as a child no matter how old you are. Best tip in this case: Don't do that.
- Movie exposition. Everyone hates this, but it's a necessary evil. The characters all know what's going on, but the audience doesn't. Rather than fill people in with a voice-over narration, writers will often use the "new guy" who ought to know what's going on, but the characters will explain everything to him as if he doesn't, or the recap scene, such as the mastermind saying to someone, "Let's go over the plan again," or the extremely forced dialog of the leader addressing a subordinate by saying, "As you already know," and then going over the entire plot or backstory. It's frustrating to audiences because it almost always feels unnatural, and has been parodied in movies such as "Spaceballs." Still, even the best writers have a hard time coming up with better ways of getting the exposition out.
- You're socially awkward. Some people just can't read the room. Maybe you're neurodivergent in some way, or maybe you're just used to being alone. You might expound on a topic, not because you want to inform others, but just as a matter of habit. You're saying it because it simply is, and whether or not other people care to listen may have not crossed your mind. Best advice, learn to read the room. Alternatively, you may be attempting to start up a conversation with someone, but haven't learned the art of small talk, so an information dump is the only tool in your box other than standing there in silence. If this is the case, what you need to do is... Actually, I don't know what to tell you here, because we're both in the same boat.
In conclusion, we all have to deal from time to time with telling people things they already know, or listening to other people tell us what we already know. Not all of it falls into the "arrogant jerk" category, but some of it does, and maybe this list will help us to understand the difference. I'm sure you probably knew all of this already, but I felt it was necessary to put it all into words so that we're all on the same page.
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