A duck's quack does echo. Chewing gum does not stay in your body for seven years. A bird will not abandon its babies or nest if you touch them. You do not only use ten percent of your brain. Undercover cops do not have to tell you they're cops if you ask them. If a cop forgets to read your rights, you do not immediately go free. Carrots do not improve your eyesight. Spinach does not make you stronger or give you chest hair. The heel of the bread will not make your hair curl. Vitamin C does not stop you from catching cold. Your eyes will not pop out of your head if you sneeze with your eyes open. You do not need to pee on a jellyfish sting. You do not need to blow into a video game cartridge. You do not need to shake a polaroid. Vaccinations will not make your children autistic. Cell phones will not give you brain tumors. Blood inside your body is not blue. Pop rocks and soda will not make you explode. A burglar cannot sue you because he hurt himself while robbing your house. Lie detectors do not work. Truth serum doesn't work. Bulls are not attracted to the color red. Masturbating will not affect your eyesight or grow hair on your palms. Plants cannot sense when someone is thinking about fire. There is no musical note that will make you shit your pants. Bats are not blind. You do not catch cold from cold weather. There is no official grammatical rule against splitting infinitives. Your hair and fingernails do not keep growing after you die. Having a hymen has nothing to do with being a virgin. Shocking a recently dead person with a defibrillator will not bring them back to life. Your mattress is not full of dead bugs. The IQ test you took as a child has nothing to do with your intelligence as an adult. Gluten-free diets are not better for you unless you have a very specific disorder preventing your body from digesting gluten. Shaving your beard will not make it grow back thicker. No actor hanged himself on the set of "The Wizard of Oz." The pull tabs from soda cans are not being used to raise money for charity. Eggs are not a dairy product. The moon landing was not faked on a sound stage. The Prince of Nigeria is not going to send you any money. Covid-19 is not caused by 5-G towers. Getting a blood transfusion from someone younger than you will not make you age backwards. Nuclear waste is a metallic solid, not a glowing green liquid. AR-15s are not machine guns. Antibiotics do not kill viruses, they kill bacteria. It is not impossible for two snowflakes or two sets of fingerprints to be identical. Teeth do not dissolve in soda. Dust is not made of dead skin. Amish people are not prohibited from using modern technology, they are prohibited from using unnecessary technology. Oysters are not an aphrodisiac. Cracking your knuckles will not make your knuckles bigger or give you arthritis. Salem witch trials never burned anyone at the stake. Roman gladiator fights and medieval jousts were not fights to the death. The United States does not have an official two-party system. The Catholic Church never opposed evolution. You cannot ride a kangaroo. You cannot tip a cow. Cockroaches are not immune to nuclear radiation. If you make a silly face as a child, it will not freeze that way. Sporange rhymes with orange. FDA-approved GMOs are not dangerous. Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands are not the 51st and 52nd states. The Rebel Flag is not the same as the Confederate Flag. French fries were not invented in France. German chocolate cake was not invented in Germany. Fortune cookies were not invented in China. Apple pie was not invented in America. You cannot target weight loss to a specific part of your body. Nicholas Copernicus was not burned by the Inquisition. Frankenstein is the name of the scientist, not the monster. Zelda is the name of the princess, not the hero. You do not get cancer from living near windmills or power lines. A tomato is both a fruit and a vegetable. Nobody put razor blades in the Halloween candy. Elvis Presley is dead. Tupac Shakur is dead. John F. Kennedy is dead. Adolf Hitler is dead. Andy Kaufman is probably dead. The Bermuda Triangle is not a portal into another dimension. Dating websites do not match people based on science. There is no predictable pattern in the lottery numbers. Wearing metal jewelry does not make you more likely to be struck by lightning. Logic and creativity are not concentrated in opposite sides of your brain. Pilgrims did not wear buckles on their hats. The Dow Jones does not reflect the stability of the economy. Body toxins cannot be extracted through your feet. Pencils have never contained lead. You do not lose most of your body heat through your head. Drinking lots of milk will not make children grow up faster. Borrowing a large sum of money and paying it back the next day will not improve your credit score. You cannot clone a person from a hair clipping. The X in Xmas is the Greek letter chi. Evolution does not continue in a predictable straight line. Owning 51% of company stock does not give you absolute control of a company. Egyptian pyramids and crop circles were not made by space aliens. You do not need to drink eight glasses of water per day. Going swimming right after eating will not cause you to get a cramp and drown. Caffeine does not make you more energetic, it just delays your sleep cycle. Antidisestablishmentarianism is not the longest word in the English language. The Great Wall of China cannot be seen from outer space. The Declaration of Independence and the U.S. Constitution are not the same thing. Aesop did not write the story of the Frog and the Scorpion. You cannot break the internet by getting too many clicks on a post. An airplane's black box is neither black nor a box. The dark web is not just used for crimes. You are not swallowing spiders in your sleep. Contrails are not chemtrails. You should not starve a fever. You should not drink water out of a cactus. Humphrey Bogart did not say "Play it again, Sam." James Cagney did not say "You dirty rat." Frankenstein's Monster did not say "Fire bad." Tarzan did not say "Me Tarzan, you Jane." Captain Kirk did not say "Beam me up, Scotty." The Wicked Witch of the West did not say "Fly, my pretties, fly." Ricky Ricardo did not say "You got some 'splainin' to do." Dracula did not say "Blah." Gamma rays will not give you superpowers. Climate change is not a hoax. Protein powder will not make you stronger. Rhinoceros horn powder does not improve sexual performance. Alexander Graham Bell did not invent the first telephone, he patented it. Charles Darwin did not invent the theory of evolution, he revised it. Thomas Crapper did not invent the toilet, he improved it. Thomas Edison did not invent the light bulb, he owned the company that improved it. Stan Lee did not create Marvel Comics, he was a hired writer. Rabbie Burns did not write Auld Lang Syne, he modified it. Aleister Crowley did not create the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn, he created a splinter group. Richard III was not a hunchback, he had scoliosis. Vikings did not wear horns on their helmets. Pirates did not bury treasure chests, make treasure maps, carry parrots on their shoulders, make people walk the plank, or say "arrrr." Schizophrenia is not the same thing as multiple personality disorder. The Freemasons are not the same as the Illuminati. John Smith and Pocahontas were never a couple. Not all unfortunate events are ironic. Not all unexpected things are random. Not all extremely moral or extremely powerful fictional characters are Mary Sues. High voltage will not electrocute you as long as the amperage is low. Chocolate will not give you acne as long as the sugar is low. Turkey does not contain enough tryptophan to make you fall asleep. You do not get warts from touching frogs. You should not put butter on a burn. You should not try to suck the venom out of a snake bite. You should not burn off a leech. The Bible does not say anything against lesbians. You have more than one gene that affects your eye color. When you get arrested, you do not get one free phone call. The U.S. Constitution does not contain the phrases "separation of church and state," or "innocent until proven guilty." You cannot get high from smoking hemp. Children do not learn languages or musical instruments faster than adults. The Large Hadron Collider cannot turn the earth into a black hole. Dinosaurs were not lizards. Multi-level marketing is a scam. NFTs are worthless. The Mayans did not attempt to predict the end of the world. The body mass index is not a reliable indicator of health. Not all sympathetic magick is Voodoo. Most of Rhode Island is not on an island. MSG is not bad for you. Prostitution is not legal in Las Vegas, but the laws are rarely enforced. Sitting close to the television or reading in a dark room do not affect your eyesight. Sell-by dates are not the same as expiration dates. Punching a pillow does not calm you down when you're angry. Red wine does not cure high blood pressure. The Ugly Duckling did not transform into a beautiful swan, it was a swan all along. The Inquisition did not execute nine million witches. No one found Noah's Ark. There is not a giant hole in the earth's crust surrounding the North Pole that leads to the kingdom of the Mole People. Pi is not exactly three. Dreaming in color is not a sign of creativity. Camels do not store water in their humps. Not all social awkwardness is a symptom of a personality disorder. Getting drunk will not make you see pink elephants. Pulling out is not birth control. The Monopoly Man does not wear a monocle. A daddy long-legs does not have enough venom to kill a human. Urine is not sterile. Labor Day has nothing to do with celebrating the military. Black people do not have extra muscles in their legs. Human hearts are not heart-shaped. Talking to people in their sleep does not plant hypnotic suggestions. Magnets do not cure arthritis. The Church of Satan does not literally worship the devil. There is no one official Arbor Day. There is no one official Ray's Pizza. Teenagers are not having rainbow parties. Paying income tax is not voluntary. Earth is not flat, and most of the people who say it is are trolling. Wiccans were not present in medieval times. Eastern Orthodox Christians are not Protestants. Muscle memory is not stored in muscles. The food pyramid is nonsense. Blind people do not have super hearing. Flushable butt wipes are not good for plumbing. Marijuana is not being sold to finance terrorism. People cannot yell or wave for help when they are drowning. The AIDS virus was not created in a laboratory. Glancing to the left or the right has nothing to do with whether or someone is lying or telling the truth. Your school did not put anything you did on a permanent record. Ostriches do not bury their heads in sand. Pitbulls and Rottweilers are not more aggressive than other dog breeds. Men do not think about sex every twelve seconds. Lightning often strikes the same place more than once. Humans did not evolve from chimpanzees. You cannot thaw out and reanimate a caveman. Calling evidence circumstantial or hearsay does not automatically make it inadmissible in court. It is not dangerous to eat steak that is pink in the middle. The red juice from beef is not blood. Nobody ever went insane from playing Dungeons & Dragons. You cannot hard-boil and egg by playing loud music at it. Elephants are startled by all sudden movements, not just mice. You cannot control the state of subatomic particles with your mind. Food that falls on the floor does not stay clean if you pick it up within three seconds. Video games do not make people violent. Jackalopes are not real. "Fuck" and "shit" are not acronyms. Sneezing several times in a row will not make your heart stop. You cannot get rid of an infection by drinking or injecting antiseptic. Jumping in the air while in a falling elevator or crashing airplane does not stop you from being injured. You cannot shoot the lock off a door with a handgun. There is no correlation between having large feet and having a large penis. Bees do not die after they sting you. It is not against the law to write on money. It is not against the law to video record in a public place. It is not against the law to drive with your car's interior lights on. The Bible does not specify what type of fruit was in the Garden of Eden. As far as I know, the world is not being controlled by extraterrestrial lizard people. George Washington's false teeth were not made of wood. Christopher Columbus did not prove the earth was round. Albert Einstein was not bad at math. Richard Nixon was not impeached, he resigned. Benjamin Franklin was not a Quaker. Sinbad did not play a genie named "Shazam." Fred Rogers was not a Vietnam War veteran. William Shakespeare did not have a ghostwriter. Nelson Mandela did not die in prison in the 1980s. Julius Caesar was not deaf in one ear. Winston Churchill was not born in a ladies' restroom. Cass Elliot did not choke to death on a ham sandwich. Bobby McFerrin did not commit suicide. Napoleon was not shorter than average. Adolf Hitler did not have only one testicle. Catherine the Great did not have sex with a horse. Walt Disney was not cryogenically frozen. Paul McCartney was not replaced by a lookalike. Reasonable suspicion is not the same as probable cause. Heckling comedians is not part of the show. Bottled water does not come from a natural spring. Solar panels will not drain the sun of all its energy. Illegal immigrants are not casting fraudulent votes. Trends in fashion magazines are not the same as cultural standards of beauty. Engagement rings were not used in medieval times. Jesus was not white. Buddha was not fat. Playing classical music will not make your baby grow up smarter. Having another drink does not cure a hangover, it only postpones it. You cannot enhance a photo to show details that were not in the original photo. You cannot vouch for an illegal immigrant. Prosecutors cannot build a case on character witnesses. A Rubik's Cube is not that difficult. Googling is not research. Roulette is not a game of skill. You cannot use a ventilation duct to crawl from one part of a building to another. You cannot swallow your own tongue. Alcohol does not raise your body temperature. Keeping batteries in the refrigerator will not make them last longer. An atomic bomb will not stop a hurricane. Ghosts are not made of neutrinos. God is not made of Higgs bosons. Standing with your hands on your hips does not make you more confident. You cannot grow a watermelon in your stomach by swallowing a watermelon seed. Having a stroke or a brain tumor does not cause you to smell burnt toast. A living cell removed from your body does not react to your emotions remotely. You do not get hemorrhoids from sitting on a cold seat or from eating spicy foods. You do not get breast cancer from using deodorant. The boiling point of water is not a universal constant. Mary Poppins is not a witch. Putting a wet phone in rice does not make it dry out faster. You cannot cure someone of amnesia by hitting them over the head. Sea captains do not have legal authority to perform weddings. A goldfish does not have a memory of only three seconds. Sharks do not blink. A dragonfly does not have a lifespan of only twenty-four hours. You do not end a radio transmission by saying "over and out." Black widows almost never kill their mates. Lemmings do not jump off cliffs. Speed-reading does not work. Jigsaws are not used to make jigsaw puzzles. The human body is not exactly 98.6 degrees. Ice does not melt from the pressure of standing on it. Twinkies do go bad. Spontaneous human combustion is not a real thing. You cannot turn someone's hair white by scaring them. Drinking alcohol through a straw does not get you drunk faster. Waking up a sleepwalker does not give them a heart attack. You do not get carpal tunnel syndrome from typing. Myers-Briggs personality types are meaningless. Sinking ships do not evacuate women and children first. Honey does not cure seasonal allergies. "Ain't" is a word. "Irregardless" is a word. Spicy food will not cause a pregnant woman to go into labor. You should not give milk to an adult cat. You should not give bread to a duck. Nice guys do not always finish last. Celery does not have a negative number of calories. Men's trousers are not tailored to accommodate whether you dress left or right. There is no purple in a rainbow. Poinsettias are not that poisonous. Wolf packs are not organized into alphas, betas and omegas. Fish do not grow to the size of their tank. You should not put a stick in the mouth of a person having a seizure. Men and women have the same number of ribs. Women did not used to have ribs removed to fit into their corsets. Prince did not have ribs removed in order to suck his own penis. You do not have more bacteria cells in your body than human cells. Hot water does not freeze faster than cold water. You are not legally required to display flags according to the U.S. Flag Code. Reading a dead person's will at a family gathering to reveal who gets what is a thing that only happens in movies. Sugar does not make children hyperactive. Scientists did not discover a star that is older than the universe. Women's high-heeled shoes were not derived from Chinese foot-binding, they were derived from cavalry soldiers. Brontosauruses did not have a second brain to control their back legs. Infrared cameras do not allow you to look through walls. Coca-Cola did not invent Santa Claus. You have more than five senses. Most people are not descended from Genghis Khan. Kayan women's necks will not suddenly break if they remove their neck rings. You do not need a colon cleansing. Typing faster will not make you a better computer hacker. Switching hands while masturbating will not prevent your penis from curving to the side. Earwigs do not lay eggs in people's ears. Wearing a hat will not make you go bald faster. Shining red LED lights on different parts of your body will not cure baldness, obesity or erectile disfunction. Ancient Greeks could see the color blue. Subliminal advertising does not work. The United States does have roundabouts. Most people in medieval times were not illiterate. Your tongue does not have different sections for sweet, salty, sour and bitter. Disneyland does not give you a lifetime free pass if you were born at the park. Kicking a car's tires does not actually tell you anything. Scented candles are not just as bad for your lungs as cigarettes. Getting a tan does not improve your resistance to skin cancer. Not everyone goes through the same stages of grief in the same order. You are very unlikely to drown in quicksand. There is no such thing as a normal person.
More to be added as I think of them.
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