A CHRISTMAS POEM
By Shawn Ravenfire
Everyone’s house looked like an episode of hoarders.
Boxes upon boxes of decorations of the season,
Ugly and worn, but kept for sentimental reasons.
The town park is filled with lights red and green,
While Atheists bitch and moan about the nativity scene.
The sun shone down on the slushy gray snows,
While hipsters put up their aluminum Festivus poles.
People drunk at a party, where the spirit is felt,
And the office comedian hangs mistletoe from his belt.
Some disaffected teens avoid having fun,
And all prepare for the coming bad Boxing Day puns.
The Hanukkah lights are quite non-traditional,
And holiday stress is just plain unbearable.
The local TV station thinks they’re so cool,
Because they said Happy Kwanzaa, but forgot about Yule.
The Wiccans all ready to celebrate the solstice,
Can’t find a ritual, so it goes by unnoticed.
The cast of Fox News say Christmas is for brats,
Because Jesus is missing. They blame Democrats.
“Save money,” say the experts, “the recession is growing.”
They forget that spending money is what keeps the economy going.
The news reports say there’s an increase in crime.
Change the channel, and watch “A Christmas Story,” for the one millionth time.
Everywhere, people fly home for December,
To make small talk with cousins they barely remember.
The family gathers around, and wonders at the mistake
It was to think anyone would like a fruitcake.
Opening presents is always a treat.
You’re especially thankful they kept the receipt.
A debate breaks out over which actor to choose
As the best ever portrayer of Ebineezer Scrooge.
Folks plan their New Year’s resolutions to make,
That after barely a week, they’re all sure to break.
But the worst tradition of all, that makes us so unhappy
Is that every radio station plays music that’s crappy.
Like bad twelve-days of Christmas parody songs,
Using ethnic stereotypes that are just plain wrong.
Children’s songs sung by adults trying to sound serious,
And Christian hymns so slow and dull, it just makes you furious.
Songs you think you know, but only the first verses,
Songs that are so repetitive, they make you say curses,
And the most depressing song that is sure to give the blues,
Is that horrible, god-awful song Christmas Shoes.
The Christmas season lasts longer each year without fail,
From the day after Halloween to Christmas in July sales.
It’s a pain in the ass, but on that special day,
Despite all its faults, we have a good time anyway.
So I say “Happy Holidays” to one and all,
And if you don’t like it, there’s always alcohol.
No comments:
Post a Comment