Friday, November 29, 2013

Ways to Confuse People

Ever feel like confusing the hell out of people for no reason?  Here's what you do.  Walk up behind someone in a public area.  Make sure you're close enough that they can hear you, but still far enough away to get out of sight before they turn around.  Then say any one of the following phrases:

* It's getting late.  I still have to get home and rotate the kitchen cupboards.
* I hope it rains later.  I'm trying to dry out the lawn.
* Well, I knew he was cheating on his taxes as soon as I saw the mustard in the fish tank.
* Did you hear about those kids who got high from sniffing dog turds?
* He died of a stroke caused by an ice cream headache.  (Works best if the other person is eating ice cream.)
* Thirty-seven bags of marshmallows.  I think you can guess where he was going.
* Thank God you farted!
* They bombed where?!

As soon as they hear you, you duck out of hiding, so they never get ask you to explain yourself.